KatZ LiTtle PlaCe

2009-07-30T00:51:00.001+08:00

We are radical? think again.......

It wasn’t the slave masters who were Dober’s harshest persecutors, but rather fellow Christians.

Leonard Dober wondered if Jesus had thought the cross too much; then he remembered Jesus’ prayer in the garden ended, “Not my will, but yours, Father.” Leonard’s task seemed impossible, but he was pursuing God’s will and not his own.

Leonard Dober determined that God’s call to him was to reach slaves in the Virgin Islands. He planned to reach these men and women by selling himself as a slave and working alongside others each day while sharing Jesus’ love with them. The thought of being a slave frightened and sickened him. He dreaded the treatment he would receive. “But Christ was willing to die on the cross for me,” he thought. “No price is too high to serve him.”

It wasn’t the slave masters who were Dober’s harshest persecutors, but rather fellow Christians. They questioned his call to minister to slaves and ridiculed him as a fool for his plan. But Dober would not be dissuaded. He arrived in the Virgin Islands late in the 1730s.

When he became a servant in the governor’s house, he feared that this position was too far removed from the slaves to whom he had come to minister. So he left and moved from the governor’s house to a mud hut where he could work one-on-one with slaves.

In just three years, Dober’s ministry included more than thirteen thousand new converts.

Jesus freaks. That’s what the world calls those whose faith seems a bit radical. Odd. Extreme. Dober was an eighteenth century “Jesus freak”—a free man who chose to live as a slave in order to win them to Jesus. He was willing to do whatever it took to squeeze the last ounce of devotion from his heart in service to Christ. For Dober, that meant a specific plan that made sense to no one but him. Have you been written off because of your freakish refusal to go along with the majority rule? If God has called you to do something radical for him in your family, church, or community, you must obey. Let others call you crazy, but may Jesus find you committed.

2009-07-28T21:35:00.000+08:00

............ (*$%^^%$#$%^ .................. (*&^%$#$%^&*())(*&^%.........

this is what has been going on in my brain since I left the office at 830pm. Gibberish. Worry. Anxiety. Practically at the verge of panicking.
It felt like a zombie just entered my body and decided to unwind, rewind and messed up a couple of recordings.
I am tired - mentally and physically. I can't tell my boss that I am at the verge of breaking. Knowing her personality, she will take all upon herself and it will be worst because she has 4 kids and one rather demanding husband.
It felt as if I am fighting alone here. It felt like I am stretch to the thinnest. Any more stretching, this lady her will snap into 2!
HELP!!!!!!

A candidate pulled out earlier. She has a better offer so off she goes to the new position and better salary. I was asked by my manager to find some Korean speaker that is available immediately. When she told me that, I was staring at her, clamping my mouth, trying my best not to explode. Deep Breath...1..2..3...exhale....Deep breath...1...2...3....exhale...
I don't mind helping out. But, I do not want to help out when the main person does not even care! Okay, granted, I do not know the real situation. I do not know whether she is tied up or bothered with family matters. I am not aware of any hidden sickness that causes such drastic change in behaviour. Benefit of doubt to her. And, I should not jump into conclusion.
The moral of the story here, if you want anyone to help, at least show some kind of sign that you are making an effort!
I no longer bother about responding appropriately anymore. Whatever will be, will be.
If you don't want to do this job anymore then quit! If you still want to do this job, do something! anything to show that the effort is there.

Tomorrow is going to be another long day. Please please please let me do my job and stop bothering me with all sorts of distraction. I just want to do my job to the best of my ability. Is it such a hard request??!!!!

I will be working until late hours tomorrow. It is agreed with my boss that I will work late on Wednesday and start at 130pm on Thursday and continued all the way until 11pm. On Friday, I will resume the normal hours. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully Katz will not turn into a panda that got bitten by zombie......

Sigh........

2009-07-18T22:56:00.002+08:00

Team Baked Potato came in 2nd!!! That is super cooL!!! Woohhooooo....
The price is quite...ahemm......attractive. Lol

Anyway, Jenn, Boss and I went to Bedok Waterfront key showflat on Friday night. How should I put it..real estate is quite interesting. No wonder many are hooked on it. It is like gambling. They call it flipping. No I am not talking about real estate agent. It is the owners and investors that are rather fascinating. My Lady boss is unlike any other lady. She doesn't fancy shopping, bargain hunting or branded boutique hopping. She shops for property and investment. A lady of age 38 owns a reputable search firm with rather substansial turn over despite current economic situation. On top of this, she owns 2 private properties, a HDB for her parents and another condo she is currently staying in. Wow.

We had quite an interesting journey from office to the location. "The Rules" was the main topic of discussion. I was "taught" how to be the lady who follow and adhere strictly to these rules. Apparently, it works. Hmm....How interesting. There are many exceptions around but do not think that we are part of that exception. We still have to play according to the rules. These are games after all.

In a nutshell:

Do not ever initiate any form of "chasing" or "giving hints" if we are interested in a particular man or men
Do not let the men know that we are dying to hear their voice/meet them/date them
NEVER initiate a date.
Be busy all the time and don't explain why the busyness
Be interesting but not interested that we are willinf to devote every single waking and sleeping hours to him.
Go out and do something coz that's the only way to meet people.

And the list goes on...........................

How interesting.

To the feminists, this book is the ultimate boo boo! Talk about equality of genders and ladies still follow a set of "rules" in dating and relationship. Why can't the ladies be in the driver's seat?
Yes you can if the men have pyschologically moved into the era of feminist. Unfortunately, we are still stuck at pride and prejudice era. Like it or not, men are turned off by over aggressive women. They simply ran away and disappeared when women decided to take the lead to "chase" them.

Now we know the problem. I wonder how to fix it.

2009-07-14T22:06:00.002+08:00

A song that really touches my heart....

The voice of a Saviour.

Some people try to listen, to the bottom of a bottle
Some people try to listen, to a needle in their arm
Some people try to listen, to the money in their pocket
Some people try to listen, to another’s arms

You and I are not that different
We got a void and we’re just trying to fill it up
With something that will give just a little peace
All we want is a hand to reach to
Open arms that say I love you
We’d give anything to hear
The voice of a Savior

Some people try to find it with blind ambition
Some people try to find it where no one else has gone
Some people try to find it in the crowns of victory
Some people get defeated and lose the strength to carry on

Some people try to find it in the shadow of a steeple
Some people try to find it in the back row pew
Some people try to find it in the arms of Jesus
That’s where I found it, how about you?

Have you ever had that moment when you are longing for something but just can't find a word to illustrate it? I did. Many times.
When I see father and daughter walking together hand in hand.
When 2 lovers whispering to each other and giggling like there's no tomorrow
When a child holds on to my hand like I am the rock of her life
When I see the sunset in the horizon

It is easy to find replacements. But, these are not the real thing. They will never satisfy my hunger for that eternal love that Jesus so freely gave to us. That feeling of acceptance and acknowledgment by the Lord worth more than tons of precious gems. And, here's the good news, it has been given freely to those who chose to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Mark 5:36 - .....Don't be afraid. Just Believe.

2009-07-12T22:05:00.005+08:00

Hmm..that is funny. I can't seem to load the page of my blog.

Anyway, senior presentation was ....interesting. Somehow, the new team can't seem to shake of the influence from Midway fair. Cinderella was a breakthrough and it was an amazing float with an amazing team. Last year was quite forgettable. I don't even remember the theme!

Kudos to all the juniors! Indeed they have taken great length and gone through much brain juicing to come up with such promising float. If they can finish it, I am sure they have a chance of winning. We'll see how it goes. My calendar is booked on 8th Aug 09.

So...new week tomorrow. New day with new set of challenge. Am I ready? I am! Believe it or not, I am actually excited about work!

I think I may be considering the specialist diploma in clinical trial. Just a taste of what it is like.
I am excited about the prospect of learning and in the forefront of drug trials. I don't deny that I quite like the "spotlight". However, I am not too sure about the benchwork, admin stuff and whole loads of research. Emotionally, it is going to be such a test. Oh well, still praying about it.
No answer yet.

I need to settle down in a church soon!! To enroll into bible school, I need recommendation letters from the pastors. My goodness, those that I know don't even know I existed. Enough of playing around. I need to get down to the real stuff. YAP!

2009-07-11T00:16:00.002+08:00

My goodness..I almost forgotten that this blog even existed! It has been sometimes since I last updated this blog.

And my purpose of visit is?
Well, certain issues have been such a nag in my mind. Like a hamster wheel, I kept running in circles and getting nowhere! Absolutely work done = 0. Pointless and mindless worrying.

Let's see...I think it stated when the family problem started. It was my fault really. I backed off emotionally because the idea of bearing the burden is too overwhelming to me. So I stopped asking why and how and what was the outcome. She started to take quite a few urgent leave and thus her work performance plummeted. Mine stays the same and possibly better than the rest.

So the month of June came. I started to lunch in more often than usual. Time of peace and quiet is so rare that lunch time without the usual hustle and bustle feels like a whiff of jasmine to me - simply refreshing. I packed in, read my book and if I have extra time, I will try to do a bit of study. That decreases the amount of interaction with my colleagues in particular J. Then came the funny idea that her previous seating arrangement has bad feng shui and she was moved to the other end of the island. The further one seat, the lesser the chance to talk.

Recently, boss started to give me tons and tons of assignment to do. I am really up to my chin now but still within tolerance level. I like it because I was given plenty of learning opportunity. Plus, I am given training opportunity in which I was one of the trainer for new batch of people. Another learning experience. Nowadays, I am also involved in interview process for internal staff. Hence, even lesser chance to talk to her.

I brought up this issue with another friend. He asked me to talk to her directly. I know I can't. I will cry. Not because I am super sad or anything. Simply because I am not a person who wears my heart on the speakerphone.

He noticed that we are drifting apart. If I am to be honest with myself:

I don't really feel like having lunch with her or talk to her. Bad huh.
Don't know since when but it started to irritate me when we are talking in a group and in every single conversation, she will have to be the main character. She just has to give a piece of her life. I told her once that this is her habit. She said she didnt notice it. Fine. That is the way she is. Can't change so rather than I got irritated and snapped at her, I decided to decrease such chances.

It is inevitable for me to do a comparison between both of us.
Well, it is kinda obvious that Jenn seems to place more responsibility on me. Most technical and scientists roles are executed by me. They are leveraging on my education background. Health care is not rocket science. They just look like one. Kim said it is very obvious that Jenn favors me outwardly. I did close positions for SP. When my deal is closed, she will make a big show of it by pressing that stupid bell. I am going to hide or throw away that offensive bell.
J has more experience than me for sure. Somehow, her deals just slipped away. It is very tempting to take Kim's opinion as a conclusion - she felt pressurised by the fact that she is not making sales and I am.

Sounds petty isn't it.

I did try to turn the situation around. But, how do you clap when the other hand simply refuse to do so? I tried to talk to her, joke with her, asked her about her posiitons, asked her about her meetings. I felt forced...

Everything seems to be back to normal. The next day morning, it is back to square one. So I am repeating the entire process again. Same thing this morning. She came late. Lunch time came. Jenn asked me to go to IKEA for lunch. It was too far so I said I am lunching in. She went with Irene. No conversation yet since the day start. I was thinking of lunching in but Kim was left alone for 2nd batch so I went with her.

Sigh...the last straw came when Katherine from P called. I transfered the call to her. I kinda know what was the call about. So the next moment I heard some whispers. She started to do CRA role which is not her allocated role. It is not that I care she is surfacing CV to P. So I turned to her and asked her that if she is taking P roles I am not going to touch this account. She gave me the look as if she is blur and wondering what the hell is this person talking about. So I said well it is my fault that I didn't spend time on this account.

I typed out an email to her saying how I feel. Sent it out before I left. She may have read it, she may not. There was no response from her so I assume things don't really matter on her side.

I will still think and ponder and wonder. Occassionaly I will feel sad on what has happen but it is gonna pass. A friend will always stay a friend whether or not we talked most of the time. Either way, I have tried. So far, I have not seen her coming over to talk to me or trying to do something. I guess it may not be a serious thing for her. Now I know well not to be considering work people as friend. Because they are not. They are simply colleague.

Monday is going to be a new week. I am going to concentrate on my sales and my performance. I will train up Eunice and once she is able to stand on her own, I guess it's time to consider the advancement. Probably to SS or probably something else. SP has been fun and a good training ground. But, only deals that are over 10K can help me meet my target.

Another lesson learnt.

On a lighter note, Jenn said she is going to help me register for a distant learning course in Pharmacology if I am able to meet the target the third time. Yep. Gonna go for it.

I would love to go and study again!

2009-06-20T21:59:00.003+08:00

Went to Seletar camp today. Well, I was almost lost. All around me are trucks, heavy construction vehicles and workers. Some were staring at me wondering what is this girl doing here holding a camera. Looked for the remnants of the camp bunk but found only construction work. Some of these places were out of bound. Oh well, I am running out of places to capture.

Hormones were in overdrive yesterday. I felt so miserable and unhappy for no apparent reason! It is amazing how I can feel such self pity and despair just at a drop of the hat! I was tempted to blame it on everything. Mom called this morning and asked what's wrong. I don't know how to answer her and said nothing. I guess you don't really need a reason to be unhappy.

That bad habit of mine is rearing its ugly head. Again.

Oh well, no one is perfect. Colleagues just better stay at colleagues. I am not ready to bear burdens.

Anyway, here's some of the pic from seletar camp. or rather outside of the camp

2009-06-20T21:47:00.001+08:00

I'm not lost.....I'm juz undiscovered....
talking about seeing things from different perspective...

I look at you, you bite your tongue
You don't know why or where I'm coming from
But in my head I'm close to you
We're in the rain still searching for the sun

You think that I want to run and hide
That I keep it all locked up inside but I just want you to find me

I'm not lost; not lost, just undiscovered
And when we're alone we are all the same as each other

You see the look that's on my face
You might think I'm out of place
I'm not lost, no, no, just undiscovered

Well the time it takes to know someone
It all can change before you know it's gone
So close your eyes and I feel the way I'm with you now
Believe there's nothing wrong

I'm not running, I'm not hiding
But if you dig a little deeper, you will find me

2009-06-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

I wish you love by Natalie Cole...

Goodbye, no use leading with our chins

This is where our story ends

Never lovers, ever friends

Goodbye, let our hearts call it a day

But before you walk away

I sincerely want to say

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

And then a kiss, but more than this

I wish you love

And in July a lemonade

To cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

I wish you love

I wish you love, love, love, love, love

I wish you love

2009-05-28T22:52:00.002+08:00

What have I done? I am such a dense creature. My goodness. Amazing. Truly amazing.
When will I stop sabotaging myself? Thinking that it is okay and the other party will understand.
Katz you are the ultimate blur queen.

2009-05-24T22:56:00.003+08:00

Watched angels and demons today. How far has the church journeyed? How much has it accomplished? How far has it strayed away from the truth? Yet, we are still alive. Lightnings do not strike on every sinners on earth. Fire does not consume everyone who disobeyed God. Brimstones do not rained down and great flood is nowhere to be seen. How amazing is His Grace. Despite our weakness and failure, He is still full of patience. How undeserving we are! How awesome Jesus is!

2009-05-05T20:25:00.002+08:00

Still Small Voice

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READ: 1 Kings 19:11-18

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! —Psalm 46:10

When God spoke to Elijah on Mount Horeb, He could have done so in the wind, earthquake, or fire. But He didn’t. He spoke with a “still small voice” (1 Kings 19:12). God asked, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (v.13), as he hid from Jezebel who had threatened to kill him.

Elijah’s reply revealed what God already knew—the depth of his fear and discouragement. He said, in effect, “Lord, I have been most zealous when others have forsaken You. What do I get for being the only one standing up for You?” (see v.14).

Was Elijah really the only one serving God? No. God had “seven thousand in Israel . . . whose knees have not bowed to Baal” (v.18).

In the depths of our fear or despair, we too may think we’re the only one serving God. That may happen right after the height of a success, as it did for Elijah. Psalm 46:10 reminds us to “be still, and know” that He is God. The sooner we focus on Him and His power, the quicker we will see relief from our fear and self-pity.

Both the clashing cymbals of our failures and the loud trumpeting of our successes can drown out God’s still small voice. It’s time for us to quiet our hearts to listen for Him as we meditate on His Word. — Albert Lee

Keep listening for the “still small voice”
If you are weary on life’s road;
The Lord will make your heart rejoice
If you will let Him take your load. —Hess

To tune in to God’s voice we must tune out this world’s noise.

I think many are feeling the disappointment and helplessness that Elijah was feeling.
Look at the world now. When we thought the financial meltdown was bad enough, when we thought the crisis has finally bottom out, when we thought silver lining is in sight, here comes the H1N1 virus. With the threat of worldwide pandemic and rapid human to human transfer, the virus successfully wreak havoc. So what happen to the wealth and health gospel that has been broadcast all over the world?Some will openly question God, others who are not so outright will simply suppress the feeling and blame themselves for not having enough faith. What's my reaction? I still question. But, only to selective few who understands. I guess I am a sceptic christian.

Dont get me wrong here. I am not having some kind of faith crisis. Whatever faith I have is given by my Lord. Whatever amount he is given me is enough to go through my current situation.
So here's my point.

The world will continue to enter worst state than it is already is. This is the state where the bible called it "birth pain" I shall explain it next time.

I don't know why certain things happen. However, I am sure of one thing and one thing only - Jesus will still triumph in the end. I am sure many are familiar with the death and resurrection of Jesus - even to non christian, as long as you have watched Passion of Christ or see the trailer.
Friday was the day Jesus died, crucified naked in the public. In the scene, there were 11 disciples (minus one coz Judas obviously the one who turn Him in) plus the multitudes who followed Him everywhere, idolizes him and believe wholeheartedly that He is the coming King who will restore Israel from Roman empire and once again become the mighty nation just like David and Solomon time. Imagine how disappointed they were when they see their King crucified, defeated and humiliated in the public. Their only hope, their only chance.

Jesus died. Someone buried Him. Then came Saturday. Gloomiest day for His followers. Everything is over. They thought God answered their prayer by sending Jesus to them. All signs pointed to Him as the coming King, the one who will liberate Israel from their enemies.

Then came Sunday morning. A woman by the name of Mary came running to the 11 and said that their Lord has risen. They were thinking "what a joke" How can dead person be alive again. Impossible. But Peter and John saw with their own eyes. He was not there. The angels was waiting to tell them the news. Notice something, Jesus only appear to those that believe in Him. Jesus did not appear to the high priests nor to the Roman governments. WHy? Because Jesus wants his disciples (the 11 and the rest who has followed Him from the time he started his ministry) to know that there's hope.

Our current situation is like the "friday". When nothing happens, it feels like the "saturday". However, "Sunday" will come when our Lord appear to His believers and bring the everlasting Hope. He give us enough faith to last through the "Sunday". When we are hopeless and helpless, look to Him who is in control of the situation. I know it is hard. What is faith but believing in the unseen. And the unseen is not some airy things in the air. He is our Lord and the God who will deliver us!

I just finished reading Disappointment with God by Philip Yancey. Quite a good book. It clears up a lot of questions e.g. Does God care? Why is He so silent? Why is He hidden? Why is He so shy?What happen to all those fire from heaven, pryotechnic displays and also pillar of clouds that signify His presence? Why so few miracles? Why God does not show up to people who say "if Jesus is real then show Himself to me Now! (you think God is a vending machine, put the coin in and your drink will appear) etc etc....

Come to me if you want the book.

2009-04-19T21:41:00.005+08:00

OHMIGOD..!!!!!!

My jaw, glasses, everything dropped to the floor!!Disappointed....
HM is a "sister". This time, it is confirmed, guaranteed, plus chopped and certified that he will not fancy female. Let me include the print screen....

haiz.

Okay, here's the story. Jace and I went to CP to say hi to HM. I told him that I will be dropping by. So we reached CP at 3plus. He went for a break. We agreed to meet somewhere. I asked Jace to assess based on her experience. As we are approaching, Jace decided to take a back step and let me approached him instead. Well, he is not bad looking. Doesn't look like he is approaching 40. We talked for a bit. Funny, how I always got that defensive vibe from him.

Done with the formalities, we parted ways. Jace said that he gave off that "sister" vibe. Not too sure whether he is but he did has that vibe surrounding him.

Zel and I were just talking about it and she mentioned about a website where we can checked out who are in the club. After church, I was browsing through the site and guess what I found........

His nickname......
how original.....
And the rest is history. ..
Oh well..there goes one more to the darkside.

Girls, don't bother wishing that one day these sisters will return to the light. They won't
Unless the Lord has mercy on them and they themselves are willing....

There goes the possibility too..

LOL

2009-04-11T23:14:00.002+08:00

Angels in disguise by Corrine May

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'

Oh~ But out on the street it starts to pour
and before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
And I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

Oh~ But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

Don't try to hide away from me

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new

Today, I met so many angels in disguise.
Went to bond with the nature. The sun was shining, a tad too bright though. But, that does not bother me. So I went on admiring the trees and the flora and the fauna. At the distance, I heard the sound of thunder. It was fast approaching. I had the make a decision - to go on or turn back. Moving on, I will reach mount faber. It was another 1.4km before the next shelter. Will I reached the shelter before the heaven empty its water storage. If I am to turn back, it will be another 0.5km before I reached the bus stop and hopefully I'll be able to hop on to a bus and escape the torrential rain. So i made my choice to move on to mount faber. (At that time, I wasnt sure where I was heading to. Only after the rain stop, I got to know from pedestrians that I was at Mount Faber. )

The moment I stepped into the shelter, the heaven decided to open its flood gate. Raining was an understatement. It was storming followed by lightning and thunder plus strong wind that practically blew everything in its path. I was stuck!! Not to mention the shelter does not provide much shelter. Everyone was practically drenched from head to toe.

As I was standing there, one middle aged lady offered to lend me her umbrella. I was practically praising God for her act of kindness. She told me I can use the umbrella to block off the rain water.

Finally the rain stopped. Thank God. That was 2 hours later. I was totally lost! As I tried to figure out a way to get to the main road, the aunty that lend me umbrella offered to bring me to the bus stop. Apparently, she is from Malaysia and currently staying in her bro's house. She is angel in disguise! We chatted a bit while walking to the bus stop. I don't know her name neither she knows mine. I felt so grateful towards them. Without this random act of kindness, I would have turn into drenched cat!

It has been sometimes since someone offered random kindness to me. On the other hand, When was the last time I extended a helping hand to random strangers?

So that was the 1st angel in diguise.

I met the 2nd one on the bus. God knows when I lost my ez link card. I was rummaging through my bag and half hoping that I misplaced my card in one of the inner pockets. Well, I cant find it. Plus, I forgot to bring my coin purse. Hence, I have no coins nor smaller notes. I got out my 10 bucks notes and went around asking for whoever that has smaller notes to exchange with. None has it. One lady asked me how much I need, I said 1.50. She was rummaging her purse and found 1.50. She gave it to me and said don't bother returning. I was so grateful!! Another angel in disguise! Thank God. Felt so undeserved yet blessed.

Somehow, these 2 incidents reminded me of certain part of myself that seems to be disappearing. Lately, i have turned into this narrow minded, small hearted, irritable and unreasonable person. I got irritated when someone block my path. I got pissed when I did not receive the service I am entitled to. Since when I turn into this defensive and insecure person who feels that I have to stand up for myself all the time. I don't like this side of me.

2009-04-08T23:58:00.001+08:00

Is it because he is a church leader therefore he is "not suppose" to receive the compensation package he has been receiving?Will it be a different story if he is a CEO of a secular company.

Full Reply By New Creation Church To The Straits Times Query On Staff Remuneration

New Creation Church (NCC) is not a public charity organisation. Therefore, we do
not raise donations or funds from the general public. In October 2007, NCC was
reviewed by the Commissioner of Charities (CoC) and we passed the review.
Additionally, we have submitted the online governance evaluation checklist and
complied fully with the requirements of the Code of Governance for charities to
disclose the salary bands of our top three executives in our annual report as well as
to our members at our Annual General Meeting.

NCC has a remuneration committee (RC) chaired by independent Church Council
members who are not staff of NCC. The RC reviews the remuneration terms and
conditions of the church’s senior management and also has the discretion to review
the remuneration package of all levels of staff. In addition, the RC reviews and
approves the annual staff salary adjustment and staff bonus payments.

As the RC believes in attracting and retaining strong, able leaders with the right
values and passion for the church, staff members who perform well are rewarded
and paid competitive salaries. This remuneration approach is in line with the
principle found in the Bible in the Book of First Timothy chapter five verse 17, which in
Greek (the original language that the New Testament was written in) says, “Let the
elders who rule well be counted worthy of double wages, especially those who
labour in word and doctrine.”

In March 2006, our Senior Pastor, Joseph Prince, informed the church that he
approached the Church Council to consider his request to go on a no-pay scheme.
On 16 April 2006, Deacon Matthew Kang, Honorary Secretary and Lead
Independent Council Member of NCC, announced at all four services of the church
that the Church Council unanimously decided to turn down Senior Pastor Prince’s
request after much deliberation.

Deacon Matthew Kang explains, “It is the RC’s policy to recognise and reward key
contributors to the church, and Senior Pastor Prince is the main pillar for our church’s
growth and revenue. Senior Pastor Prince is the keyman responsible for bringing in
about 95% of our church’s income. I must concede that Senior Pastor Prince has
enriched the church and not the other way round. Above all, through Senior Pastor
Prince’s ministry, many people have experienced the grace and love of our Lord
Jesus for themselves, and seen how their lives have been transformed and marriages
restored.”

About more than a month ago, Senior Pastor Prince raised his request to go on a no-
pay scheme with the Council again. The Council has yet to give him a reply.

2009-03-17T23:40:00.003+08:00

I don't mind having such pretty looking butler!!!! LOL ^o^

been watching a manga turn japanese chick flick these days. The title is 我的帅管家. If you are looking for some eye candy to ogle at, try this series. The story is quite heartwarming. It teaches how to fight for the decision we have made and stop being such indecisive brat.

太帅了！！！！

2009-03-15T15:31:00.002+08:00

Where am I now? In the office, finishing up some reports and hoping earnestly that the rain will stop. Another wet day in Singapore. I kinda like rainy days. It may be stormy and violent but at the same time, there is a sense of prevailing peace. Odd I know.

Nokia mosaic is an event - a series of events - that is worth going for. Saturday was Jazz day for both outdoor theater and the indoor living room. I was captivated by Norman seck trio's music. Apparently he was an NUS alumni graduated in 2006 before he went on the Berkeley Music school for further studies. His music is current with a hint of playfullness. I stood there for 1 hour just to listen to him and his group mates weaving beautiful melodies. Truly he is gifted in this area. By the way...he is quite cute in an eccentric way.

I need a break.

Work has been extremely demandind lately. Or it is me that is over demanding towards myself?
No idea.

Has anyone ever tried to create lies that in the end the liar believe his own lies?

That is what I feel lately. I am exhausted from trying to manipulate, weave politically correct stories and reorganised facts to suits the assignments. I hate this part. But, do I have to do it?

Oh well..on a lighter note, I am reorganising my eating patterns. Oily and fried food will be a taboo for at least 3 months. My staple diet will be salad with chicken breast meat coupled with lots and lots of fruits. Carbs will be a secondary food. Unless it is necessary, I will try to avoid processed carbs such as white bread, refined sugar etc.

A friend invited me for a consultation session with a lady by the name of Sarah. She is a nutritionist cum lifestyle consultant. After a long chat with her, she came up with a 5 months plan to restructured/resculpt by body. But! the problem is she is extremely pricey!! I need to fork out at least SGD5750 for the entire package. Of course there will be SGD1000 rebate extended to new clients. It is still very expensive. To be honest, I can't afford this!

Honestly speaking, I thought I saw a ray of hope to escape from this old form. At that moment, I was believing her for what her plans can bring. In the end, I told her directly that I can't afford this and bid farewell to the pleasant lady.

I guess I will be staying in this old form for quite a bit.

Who can deny that the world is a shallow place with major concerns on physical appearance. I am not judging here. I myself will not deny that beautiful things or things that conform to the "standards" set by the majority will take on a place of priority in my eyes.

The rain has not stop but I need to go now. Adios

2009-03-10T22:50:00.000+08:00

RIGHT>>>

Here is the analysis:

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

2009-03-09T23:38:00.005+08:00

So, the night has been lovely. Breezy with a tinge of chilliness. But still the way I love it.
The call came on sunday night. A friend was asking me to meet up for dinner with another friend. I was cautious to begin with. But what's the harm? I don't mind. So I agree to it.
She picked me up this evening from Raffles place. He was there, looking dashing as usual in his outfit He sells Jewelry. Lets call him J.
J suggested that we head to Keppel bay. I heard of the place but never know how it looks like. The place was awesome! I didn't have to pay a cent! That reminds me i need to sms him to ask him how much is the OJ. If I say I don;t feel anything for him, I am lying. He is a ladies man. He knows how to be romantic, playful, create the ambiance and be fun at the same time. I was observing the way he suggested various places, things to do, things to say. He was flirty to my friend. She is married with a kid by the way. I don't know what he was doing or meaning.
My friend went out for a smoke and a call, so it was me and him chatting. He is touchy that is for sure. He asked me whether I am trying to warm my hand by passing it above the candle. I said yes.Well....he ....oh well..i was taken aback by his gesture. Anyway, he is always this way to other girls as well. So no biggy...I AM ANALYSING TOO MUCH!!!

To cut the story short, 3 of us went to Mount Faber and stayed there to enjoy the breeze. Next, my friend drove me home.

Either way, it was a lovely night, I enjoyed myself and I thank my friend for asking me along.

Why am I always feeling for ladies' man? This is not the 1st time!! For goodness sake!

2009-03-08T22:56:00.000+08:00

It's just...The nearness of you..

It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me, oh no
It's just the nearness of you

It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation, oh no
It's just the nearness of you

When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams came true

I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you'll only grant me the right
To hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night the nearness of you

2009-03-03T22:38:00.002+08:00

一言难尽

This is exactly how I feel.
No matter how much I tried to prepare myself for the worst, I am still shell-shocked.

天下无不散之筵席

I fully understand this phrase. Yet, the fact is still hard to swallow. I am affected morally.
She is leaving. She has stated her reasons and her commitment.

I remembered last year May, she told me she believed in the company and the vision that the owner has. She wanted to put her ability into use. She believe this is a challenge that can be conquered. Today, she told me she has lost all believe in the "product" that we are selling. She doesn't know how to meet that expectation put upon her. She no longer able to take those "crap" Finally, she calls it quit.

I guess, even superwoman decided to throw the towel in.

How am I suppose to voice out this unsettled feeling within? It seems like no one will understand.

Her announcement will be like a drop of water in a pool. Somehow, the ripple effect will be felt throughout the pond which was still. Just as the prelude to a raging storm.
I am not sure how some people are going to take the announcement but I do not wish to be in that meeting room tomorrow.

I will still be with the company until the time when I say enough is enough. Perhaps 6 months to 1 year down the road? We'll see how elastic is the rubber band before it snapped.

Meanwhile, I am forseeing myself taking a break this coming or 2 weeks later.

The fact that I am still in the job is a tremendous blessing from the Lord. But I really need to take a break. MC or annual leave we'll see what will happen in a few days time.

Everyone around me is sick! Should I consider direct inoculation to speed things up?

2009-02-26T22:40:00.001+08:00

Interesting song.....

"Man In The Mirror"

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!

2009-02-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

hai....confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all because of this song!!!!

Didn't need to ask
Don't know the reason
Everything that I believe
Is right here

Not thinkin' bout tomorrow
Couldn't catch it if I tried
World is spinning too fast
So I'll wait 'til it comes to me

I am you
You are me
We are one
Take me in your arms
And flow through me
I'll flow through you

Steal my breath away
Cause I'm so moved by you
Deeper than I ever thought
Was possible, was possible, it's everything, oh

Difference between me and you
It's all in where your heart lies
And every day's another chance
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
So let's get it right

I am you
You are me
We are one
Take me in your arms
And flow through me
I'll flow through you

Did you lose yourself out there
Did you lose faith and give up
Don't turn away and hide yourself

Cause there's a friend to make along the way
We are the heartbeat and our souls speak
And all the beauty I have ever dreamed
Is right here in front of me, oh

Is right here in front of me, oh

I am you
And you are me
We are one
Take me in your arms
And flow through me
I'll flow through you

2009-02-21T18:53:00.003+08:00

Katz has turned into that undecided, wavering and confused girl once a again!

I wanted to explore the southern ridges today. The plan was cancelled due to sudden pouring from heavens. The sky was gloomy. To go or not to go? That is the question. In the end I didn't go. Compass point was my destination instead. The trip to the north was a fruitful one. I got a pressie for friend's birthday on Monday, a purple top that was on sale, mani pedi set, eye liner and enjoyed really fragrance waffles! Yum Yum.

I thought the undecided spell was over. Guess what. I am still deciding whether or not to take my dinner and step out for a walk afterwards. arraghh...Hate this part of me.

The weather is fine. Birds are stepping out to enjoy the breeze and gentle sun rays before the cold of the night sets in. Neighbour's dog is out. He is one noisy, angry dog. So what is the decision? None! I don't even know whether I am going to run tonight!!!!
What is wrong with me???
I am missing HM!!!halfway through my shopping, I tried to convince myself that he is gay if not he is attached to a woman of his age. Both are not the right fruit. Well, who says right fruits are what human wants all the time? It is the forbidden fruits that appeal to many.

On a lighter note, I got an anklet. Pretty demure one. Somehow this anklet reminds me of the comment a friend made on me. She say I am the demure gentle type. Am I?

2009-02-21T03:24:00.001+08:00

new favorite! listen to glen Phillips version - stripped and unplugged

Crazy Love

I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her that's where I belong
Yet Im running to her like a rivers song

Chorus:
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

Shes got a fine sense of humor when Im feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

Chorus:
Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight

And when Im returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul

Chorus

2009-02-20T20:13:00.002+08:00

Where am I now? In the office at 8.13pm on Friday! No, I am not working. I am waiting for the time to pass. From now until 1030, I have nothing to do. My shoes are not exactly very friendly when I decided to walk in it. So here I am, waiting for the time to pass.

It has been a long time since the last time I typed an entry.
Work has been busy. Life has been challenging. But, praise God that I still have a job! People are retrenched, let go, cut off from their rice bowl. We received news that one of the key guy in a global MNC was let go. It was a shocking news! I guess when the company is being very cautious, the top guy can go anytime! It's up to the board.

Job market has not been rosy nor has it been gloomy. There are still jobs out there. Yes, you heard me right. There are jobs out there. The pay may not be fantastic. Count yourselves blessed if you got a new job with an increment of 100 bucks. or even if the offer is the same amount as your last drawn! Some people got 50% pay cut!
It amazed me how some people still insist in getting 400 - 500 bucks increment. Some even more "ambitious". They want 1000 - 2000 bucks increment! Well, good luck. Most of the time luck will not treat you well.

To sum it up, look at the bright side. companies are still surviving. Jobs are still available. Retrenchments are always around even in good times. People just tend to focus more on it when the bad times are here.

Anyway, my facebook nick says HM is driving me nuts. FYI, HM is a man. Why i call him HM because he is my Hiring Manager. No names will be mentioned here. He will stay as HM.
Yes, he is chasing me for candidates. But he is also chasing me for other stuff. I am in a fixed. I want to help him but I can't. My commitment lies with the client. I don't want to lose a loyal account. He contacted me yesterday and sent email. So all's good. I like speaking to him. I want to meet him. But, I know he is only contacting me because he needs me to help him to do something else.

Oh well....I like talking to him. I enjoyed knowing more about him. 'Nuf said. He is 12 years older.

How happy I was when I saw his email floated into my inbox. Nice guy but he is a sly guy.

We'll see how it goes.

My dad is being funny again. He asked me to BUCK UP!! He said "now that you are 24yrs old, you must start considering. Don't just work!" Oh man.....and my mom tried matchmaking me with her friend's sister's daughter in law's younger brother.

The phone is ringing and I am not picking up. I better go. The office gets a bit scary suddenly.

2009-02-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

Love you lately by Daniel Powter

You packed your last two bags.
A taxi's 'round the bend.
You used to laugh out loud,
But you can't remember when.
You lost your lies.
It's like your moving out of time,
And the whole word
crumbles right beneath you.

So, I might've made a few mistakes,
But that was back when you would smile,
And we would go everywhere,
But we ain't been there for awhile.
And this I know,
There's a place that we can go-
A place where I can finally let you know.

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
We're the only one's that around,
We're the only one's that around this Babylon.

I hope you find
whatever you've been lookin' for.
Just remember where you're from
and who you are,
'Cause there's a thousand lights
that'll make you feel brand new,
But if you ever lose your way,
I'll leave one on for you.

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
So, come back and you sit down. Relax.
Everything's to see
that you've come a long, long way,
And it's the place that you should be.

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
And we're the only one's that around,
We're the only one's that around this Babylon

2009-02-04T22:09:00.003+08:00

I WANT THIS PAIR OF HEELS!!!!!PRETTYY SHUUUUUUUU

hahaa...pretty shus make me go gaga not cute guys.
It has been a roller coaster ride today. The day started with my candidate telling me he rejected the offer AFTER saying yes to the offer. My first reaction was SHIT. What should I say to my client? This is the 2nd time candidate rejects their offer. Arrived in the office and I found out that J went for dinner with K plus movie. It is normal for J to go for dinner. BUT, the funny thing is throughout the time we were shopping for stuff at Paragon, she kept mentioning that she is meeting friends at 8 for dinner. I didn't think much of it. She has lots of friends anyway. I wouldn't know who is who. That is not the case! I know the guy and told her before that I like K. Just a silly crush with no future anyway. I was wondering why must she hide it from me unless something is going on. I have decided not to pursue on this feeling and made known this decision to J and A. Dunno why she is being so secretive about things. By the way, this is also the reason for me staying away from our usual Friday chillin' out night. Yes, I shall stay away until.....God knows when.

She was quite pissed that we made such a big hoo-haa out of the dinner. Oh, I found out about the movie from A. Forget about asking her about the movie. She will try to evade the question anyway.

All in all, I was affected by the news. Thank God, everything always work well with God in control. My candidate (another one) accepted the offer. She will be signing the paper in a few days time. I claim this deal closure in the name and authority of Jesus Christ My LORD.

My parents, sis, family, relatives have been asking me ONE question. It is the same question everywhere I go. Are you attached?WHEN? you are not young and it is time to think of this issue. Dont be over career minded. OK!! Fine...
if only it is as easy as buying a pair of Pretty shuu........
OH well, either way life still goes on!!!off I go to take a bath. I broke my own jogging record today. Got lost along the way and ended up jogging for 1 hr...My usual timing is only 3o mins.

2009-02-01T21:01:00.001+08:00

古巨基 - 年年有今日

年年有今日　

主唱：古巨基 featuring Beatbox X 金牌一條順
作曲：雷頌德
填詞：林夕
編曲：雷頌德．側田
監製：雷頌德

歌詞

我未忘在小店　與你吃炸醬面　這生日太經典　
憑珠耳繩使芳心甜　自此開始發展　　
若事潛在不變　也要與你逐年　共度難忘經驗　　
如經我手的更鮮甜　願跟海鮮血戰　

每份禮物籌劃過　配合你星座　　
明年惟求能突破　只清唱半段情歌　
那日會如何度過　而你亦鳴謝我　　
盼望髮白仍是我想該天與你怎過　

今天陪你再大一歲　仍純得似清水　　
如我愛你是金句　要講到你睡去　
一生陪你每大一歲　仍洞悉你心水　　
不忍你　流半滴淚　為了理想新居　
再賣力亦無懼　

日夜勤力爭氣　每到這個日期　都想給你驚喜　
如卡地亞錶能報喜　儲蓄得有道理　　

禮物縱未迎合你　仍讚頌我品味　
送上我從前日記　竟使你快樂無比　　
接受我未成大器　仍當十全十美　
對合照來描畫你　真跡比鑽戒優美
　　
今天陪你再大一歲　仍純得似清水　
如我愛你是金句　要講到你睡去　　
一生陪你每大一歲　仍洞悉你心水　
不忍你　流半滴淚　能有你這愛侶　　
我自問被抬舉　

不需首飾的生日裏　使我知　在乎誰

2009-01-14T22:59:00.002+08:00

Put on my blue suede shoes
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues
In the middle of the pouring rain
W.C. Handy -- won't you look down over me
Yeah I got a first class ticket
But I'm as blue as a boy can be

Then I'm walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
But do I really feel the way I feel

Saw the ghost of Elvis
On Union Avenue
Followed him up to the gates of Graceland
Then I watched him walk right through
Now security they did not see him
They just hovered 'round his tomb
But there's a pretty little thing
Waiting for the King
Down in the Jungle Room

(Chorus)

They've got catfish on the table
They've got gospel in the air
And Reverend Green be glad to see you
When you haven't got a prayer
But boy you've got a prayer in Memphis

Now Muriel plays piano
Every Friday at the Hollywood
And they brought me down to see her
And they asked me if I would --
Do a little number
And I sang with all my might
And she said --
"Tell me are you a Christian child?"
And I said "Ma'am I am tonight"

(Chorus)

Put on my blue suede shoes
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues
In the middle of the pouring rain
Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues
In the middle of the pouring rain

This song is by Marc Cohn. I was acquainted with this song when I was at Helipad happy hour-ing with colleagues. Helipad is a nice cozy place with interesting decor. The drinks are alright. I have not really try their liquor. I wasn't planning to drink tonight. It was one for one night and they ordered a few sets of beer. We ended up playing 5-10. To cut the story short, I was made to drink as punishment. Helipad played really nice song with a mixure of alternative rock, and acoustic feel good song. A worthy place to check out.

Anyway, back to the song, I don't really know what it was saying. The music was quite catchy with many meaninful phrases that needed between the line reading. I can only do that when I am more sober. Head is rather light and warmed. Hopefully no hang over tomorrow.

I was made team lead today. I don't know whether to be happy because of the so called promotion or be pressured because of the added responsiblity. I can't even consistently meet my own target and now I am suppose to encourage the other person to meet her target? Added responsibility and added pressure. Well, I guess I just have to take it a step at a time.

Sort of loss focus these days. I didn't see any other potential closure and I am trying to get through the day by simply carrying out the SOP. This sucks.
I want to stay focus and go for the goal. I want to drive the position to closure. God help me!!
I am really helpless and hopeless.

On a lighter note, I may be able to be happy at work after all! Somehow! LOL.

2009-01-03T22:28:00.001+08:00

BLESSED NEW YEAR 2009!
Everyone say its doom and gloom. But I say it's gonna be FUN!!!

2009-01-03T22:05:00.002+08:00

Haven't been around much lately. Anyway, this song struck a chord within.

Daniel Powter - Best Of Me

I was made the wrong way
won't you do me the right way
where you gonna be tonight
'cause I won't stay too long

maybe you're the light for me
when you talk to me it strikes me
won't somebody help me
'cause I don't feel too strong

Was it something that I said
was it something that I did
or the combination of both that did me wrong

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along
Though it's not your favorite song
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say
you know that some of us spin again
when you do, you need a friend
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me
and I hate the thought of finally being erased
baby that's the best of me

Everything's behind you
but the hope still stands beside you
living in every moment
have I wasted all your time

Was there something that I said
was there something that I did
or the combination I broke that did me have

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along
though it's not your favorite song
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say
you know that some of us spin again
when you do, you need a friend
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me
and I hate the thought of finally being erased
baby that's the best of me
baby that's the best of me

God knows what made him wrote this song. His music has a certain appeal to the mass market. My other favorite is "Bad Day". There is quite a story behind this song. He wrote Bad Day after a two-year stint in rehab trying to get over a six-year cocaine addiction. The fame got the better of him and pushed him off the wagon. He resorted to alcohol and drug as a form of escape.

Such a simple song yet people are able to relate to this song. Traveling on the train from work, we thought of the bad day at work. Walking on the street and the thought of what we have gone through. It was a bad day. It was comforting to know that someone somewhere understands what we have gone through and are going through. Somehow, we are not alone. That is truly comforting.

A link to Daniel Powter's song: http://www.myspace.com/danielpowter

http://www.myspace.com/danielpowter

2008-12-11T19:58:00.002+08:00

I am extremely pissed! The fire is simmering inside.
My Uncle passed away and I need to fly back to Medan to attend the funeral. It was a sudden departure. The news of my uncle passing came on Tuesday and I flew back on Wednesday night. This email came 30 minutes before I decided to let of the steam at this lil' place of mine.
I was suppose to do a ref check with 3 people for my candidate. Due to time constraint, I am able to do with 2 referee only. The last referee can only speak at 530pm. I am suppose to leave office at 4pm. How am I suppose to speak to him at 530? So I asked a colleague to help me to speak to him at 530. Just a short 5 minutes procedure. I thought she will do it for me. Whether she did do it or not, or she has to leave early, or she has too many stuff to do or whatever reason it is, someone else called me on the reference check. She asked me why am I only doing one?Why about the others?
I explained that I have done 2 and I need one more. The one I have done, I have sent it to my 2 other colleagues including the one whom I asked for assistance.
That was yesterday. Today, I received an email from big boss that left me speechless with rage.

Boss said I never follow SOP and didn't save the file in the required folder. Well, if she is to know the truth NO ONE EVER DO IT! No One ever save it in the allocated folder.
Next, I was typing it AT HOME! How do I access the share drive? It is not web enabled!

She "butterred" me with the fact that I didn't pass on properly, causing 3 other colleagues to attend to this reference check. I DID!!! I ASKED JACE TO HELP ME!!!!! I explained to her and told her I will send the typed out reference check on the first 2 since she cant read my writing therefore she will take ages to type them out. I don't know what happen in between. Now it is may fault that I caused 3 other ppl to run around.

If this is entirely my fault, I cant say a thing. I will admit that it is my fault and I will apologize which I did. But, this is caused by people. And I am taking the blame for other's improper handover.

Either way, I am pissed. This is an expensive lesson to teach me NEVER TO DEPEND ON OTHERS!

2008-11-16T23:09:00.002+08:00

What have I been doing lately?
Nothing interesting. Sedated. That is the right word.
Waiting time?for what and until when?

People around me are having a whirlwind of activities. Just like a piece of cloth caught up in wind, twirling around. While I am standing there watching, wondering why?

2008-11-04T22:59:00.002+08:00

Mothers and their funny ways especially if they have daughters and sons of marriage age.

Mom A: Hi! B, how are you? Oh ya remember our trip to Sze Chuan? We took some photo and I've send them over to your email.
Mom B: Hi! really?you did? great! wait. I think I gave you one of my 3 daughters email accounts. But I dont remember which one.
Mom A: Hmm..lemme ask my son. Son do you remember the email address I gave you for the photo?
Son A: yeah. it is daughter 1@gmail.com.
Mom B: Oh daughter 1! (drag the daughter 1 to her side) THis is daughter 1.
Daughter 1: (sianz) Yes I received an email from someone named Son A. I thought it was spam. So I deleted them.
Mom A: then Son, you have to send again.
Mom B: Once you send then we have to print out. Why not you print them out and give the hardcopy to my daughter 1. Isn't it better?
Son A: er..okay. I can do that.
Mom B: Great. So you get in touch with daughter 1. That means you two have to exchange numbers! Come on. You can't contact each other without the mobile number.
Mom A and Mom B: let;s say hi to some of our friends over there.

Son A and Daughter 1 are left alone to talk to each other..

dots.....

2008-10-25T21:36:00.002+08:00

Thank you G for arranging the meeting.
I was looking forward to the night and indeed it was pleasant.
We were having the dinner at Raffles city. He was attentive and easy going. Tall enough for girls who love to wear heels. Successful enough for ladies who wants their man to be as successful as them. Good looking enough but not too much that it will attracts unwanted butterflies n bees and moth. Oh well. He loves God! At least that was what I assume. G thought that it was a networking dinner. He was sooooo wrong.
I recounted this story to J and L. Both said I should drop him a sms or even ask him out. After much pushing and poking from them, I relented. The number's acquired. Sms-ed him at 9 plus and he replied 12 hours later!!Darn him. I took the first step, Whether he is responding or not I don't care. At least I took the first step. No more what ifs.!

J, L and I went drinking last night. It was fun going out with the girls. J really knows how to party. We went to Unaco...whatever bar at circular road. Lots of caucasians frequent that place. We had a bit of drinks there and the owner started to chat us up. Seriously, we need to go party with people who knows how to party. Next, we went to Harry's bar and then Clinic and finally Lunar. Crap chinese club! seriously. Thank God I didn't humiliate myself by getting drunk and wasted.

Haiz. What the heck! Forget about him. No point. Prob he is advocating abstinance. NEXT! Life goes oN!!!

2008-10-22T22:44:00.001+08:00

He shall dwell between His shoulders. —Deuteronomy 33:12

Our family likes to hike, and we’ve had some grand adventures together. But when our boys were small, our enthusiasm caused us to walk too fast and too far, and their legs often grew weary. They couldn’t keep up the pace, despite their determined efforts and our assurance that the end of the trail was just over the next hill.

“Dad,” would come the plaintive request, accompanied by upraised arms, “will you carry me?” “Of course,” I would reply, and hoist the child on my shoulders. He was not a burden, for he was little and light.

How often, like my children, I’ve grown weary, and the end of my efforts is not even in sight. I can no longer keep up or accomplish the task. But I am learning that I can turn with arms upraised to my heavenly Father, who walks beside me, and I can ask Him to carry me.

I know He will lay me on His shoulder as a shepherd carries the lamb that was lost (Luke 15:5). There He will joyfully carry me all day long, for I am little and light—no burden to Him. There I find rest, for “the beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him, who shelters him all the day long; and he shall dwell between His shoulders” (Deut. 33:12). — David H. Roper

Ask the Savior to help you,
Comfort, strengthen, and keep you;
He is willing to aid you—
He will carry you through. —Palmer

The God who holds the universe is the God who is holding you.

..................

HOW?

i don't even know how to ask now.

2008-10-22T22:20:00.002+08:00

Tired.

I have been ranting non-stop nowadays. As the day proceeds on from bright and sunny to gloomy and wet, so does my mood. Feeling lousy by the end of the day is such a common thing. I tell myself again and again not to compare with others. They dreaded the calls yet they manage to get in more than 10 positions. They hated to call new clients yet they managed to secure a whole lot of new hires. My figures are awfully miserable. I don't have new BD. No billing in sight. The only closing for today can only be billed on November. I feel totally exhausted and drained. It seems like no matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I tried, I am totally helpless. Out of touch and out of control on the current situation. I guess the best word is spiraling out of control.
I don't even get to walk in the rain when I feel like to. Somehow the rain decided to stop when I was on the street and resumed its relentless pouring after I stepped inside the house.
What else can I do?

Did I make lesser call compare to the rest? Did I say the wrong things? or am I simply - like many would say - out of luck? I don't have luck to begin with. So, how can I be out of it.

Whine whine whine and whine. The worst part is no one understand. No one I can talk to. So here I am, whining to this blog. Situations worsened every day, body getting fatter everyday. Whenever I tell myself stop eating, I will end up eating a lot! Maybe I should reject all calls to meet up for dinner. People can afford to eat lavishly. I get fat even by drinking water. What is wrong with me?

I can't even cry when I want to.

I have half a hour more to sleeping time. Gone through the list yet none produced any fruits. Am I really that lousy? Seriously speaking am I really that useless compare to a fresh grad? AM I?
Even my hand muscle decided to ache and my neck muscle stiffened. Everything is wrong or is it?

2008-10-19T01:39:00.001+08:00

[稻香] 詞：周杰倫曲：周杰倫

對這個世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢繼續往前走
為什麼人要這麼的脆弱墮落
請你打開電視看看
多少人為生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我們是不是該知足
珍惜一切就算沒有擁有

還記得你說家是唯一的城堡隨著稻香河流繼續奔跑
微微笑小時候的夢我知道
不要哭讓螢火蟲帶著你逃跑鄉間的歌謠永遠的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

不要這麼容易就想放棄就像我說的
追不到的夢想換個夢不就得了
為自己的人生鮮艷上色先把愛塗上喜歡的顏色
笑一個吧功成名就不是目的
讓自己快樂快樂這才叫做意義
童年的紙飛機現在終於飛回我手裡
所謂的那快樂赤腳在田裡追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂給叮到怕了誰在偷笑呢
我靠著稻草人吹著風唱著歌睡著了
哦哦午後吉它在蟲鳴中更清脆
哦哦陽光灑在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切就算沒有擁有

還記得你說家是唯一的城堡隨著稻香河流繼續奔跑
微微笑小時候的夢我知道
不要哭讓螢火蟲帶著你逃跑鄉間的歌謠永遠的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

2008-10-18T23:25:00.002+08:00

A simple yet powerful message for everyone who is feeling discourage...

A Hill Too High

READ: Exodus 16:1-5

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. —Matthew 6:34

My wife and I like to rollerblade. Near the end of one of our favorite routes is a long hill. When we first started taking this route, I tried to encourage Sue by saying, “Are you ready for the hill?” just before pushing our way to the top. But one day she said, “Could you please not say that? You make it sound like a huge mountain, and that discourages me.”

It was better for Sue to face the hill thinking only about one “step,” or one rollerblade push, at a time instead of an entire steep hill to conquer.

Life can be like that. If we peer too far ahead of today, the challenges may feel like a Mt. Everest climb. They can appear impossible to handle if we think we have to be “ready for the hill.”

The Bible reminds us that today is all we need to tackle. We don’t need to worry about tomorrow’s tasks (Matt. 6:34). Imagine Moses thinking, “I’ve got to feed all these people for who knows how long. How can I get that much food?” God took care of that mountain with manna—but only enough for one day at a time (Ex. 16:4).

Every hill in life is too high if we think we must climb it all at once. But no hill is insurmountable if we take it one step forward at a time—with God’s help. — Dave Branon

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best—
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest. —Berg

God is there to give us strength for every hill we have to climb.

Things did not go well for last few weeks. Pressure reached sky high as rejection ensues. I promised to bring 10 new positions in. Yet, only 5 came by. What a disappointment. Friday seemed like a breaking point. Well, it was a breaking point. I broke down in front of the bosses. Not a pretty sight to behold. It is funny how bosses love to offer their shoulders to cry on to their employees. They are bosses not friends. You work for them not cry on their shoulder. I still maintain the belief that work and personal emotion should be separated. How do they expect me to go to them and said that I am not able to fulfill/perform in my work? I am paid to perform in my work. When I am not, I am suppose to find ways to make sure I fulfill the expectation. Anyway, they told me to be more objective at work. I need to be less personally affected with disappointments etc etc. After they said this, I made a mental note not to share anything or express my frustration at work with colleagues and bosses. Oh well, how contradicting.

They asked me what was wrong. How am I suppose to tell them that I am feeling very useless. I am not able to meet my target. It looks as if things were fine with other colleague. My team mate sales revenue was over 30k for this month. Mine? 1300. Anything coming in the horizon? nope. I have no new client this month. I am not able to maintain my daily KPI. I am not able to bring in new business. The list goes on and on. Well, somebody teach me how to talk to the bosses on this. Not things that they want to hear I believe. All these "talk to me when you are down we can help you" are simply nonsense.

They are bosses. NOT friends.

The review was ok. I got the monetary increment not because of my performance but because of my attitude. So? It is like being beaten down and yet complimented for having good attitude.
Oh well. Sometimes I feel like a frog in a well trying to climb out yet continues to slip down and back at the bottom.

Tired...really need a break...

2008-10-01T03:14:00.000+08:00

2008-10-01T02:49:00.003+08:00

Suddenly, it struck me like a lightning in the day time that things are no longer the same. The past remained in the past. They were fun, things were simple and circumstances brought people together. Looking through the photo, I felt that I am drifting apart, away from those I know. We all are. But some are faster than another. Friendship is like a ripple of water. In the beginning, the molecules are very concentrated and near one another. As the clock ticks by, they are drifting apart, away from one another. Once in a while the molecules meet another and got closer together. And the drift apart and got closer and drift apart. A vicious cycle that never end. We are indeed in the pool of life.

How did things unfold as they are now?

I admit I never really make an effort to catch up. I thought if they do not want to catch up, why should I be a bother and resulted in awkward situations? Apparently, this thought has caused so much drifting apart in my 23 years of life.

I saw their pictures and thought back on those times. Maybe the friendship was real. That is what they call circumstances friend. How many did last way after we have moved on from that circumstance?

I mourn the lost. Yet, when I do not hang on so much, I felt numbed. Which is a better choice, in fact. Numbed the lost and move on with life. Along the way, I may find one or two closer ones. If God willing, these are the ones that I want to keep for very long. Even after we have moved on from that circumstance.

When one does not want something, it is easier to let it go. When I do not hold on and mourn for the lost, it will not matter that much. But, friendship is not something that just does not matter to me, is it?

I am afraid, I will forget even the names of those who were close to me when we were in year 1. I am really afraid of that.

Friends are like a blanket of security in the midst of life procession. We know we can sought peace and comfort in one another. We know we will be able to understand one another, without judgment, without prejudice. That is how things are being taken granted of.

I guess I am just being sentimental and gloomy. It is 3.06 in the morning and I am hungry. My breaks are precious and I am determined to stretch every single waking hours.

Another thought, if you can spend some time traveling all the way to NUS from Serangoon garden, why can't you even spend some time out of your busy schedule to meet me at a place which is probably only less than 10 mins from your house? Is it such a chore?

Don't bother. I will let go and that will be the end of it. Learning to let go is probably the best way to be self pity and unfulfilled.

Oh well, Katz is being needy now. Time to sleep.

2008-09-23T21:35:00.002+08:00

I woke up early to baby blue eyes from the (fire)
and when the sun comes through and lights you like the angel you are
I know I do you wrong when I’m with you I’ve been gone

With every season change, it looks the same (november to june)
And dont these empty streets skip a beat the flowers dont bloom

I can’t believe I missed your birthday again
and I wanna come back but I just don’t know when now

And I’m so lonely your not here with me
That’s why I’m gonna be on the next plane home

The road that never ends around the bend I see your smile
I’d swim across the sea to be with you for a while
cos I’m made a life would be gone
now the way that I feel I just don’t belong

And I’m so lonely you’re not here with me
thats why I’m gonna be on the next plane home
And you’re you’re the only face I wanna see
thats why I’m gonna be on the next plane home

Stand around try to make every moment
and be somebody yeah anybody
it seems the whole world is taking me over
I need somebody to help me get back(to n)

and I’ve always been a million miles away
but things are gonna change
I just wanna come home

And you’re you’re the only face I wanna see
thats why I gonna be on the next plane home
yeah I’m taking the next plane home
Now I’m getting the next plane home
Now I’m taking the next plane home

Current favorite song. Actually only the beginning 1st 5 seconds. I'm listening to 98.7FM now. Apparently, roads near, around, in and about city area/CBD area are closed other than AM peak hours time. The DJs are reading out the list of roads that are closed. Hmm..quite a hefty list I would say. Well, F1 Grand Prix night race put SG in the world map. Also, it put SG in the entire stupid traffic jam map. Note to readers: this is a direct quote from the DJs. As if traffic in CBD area is not bad enough. Good luck drivers/sales people/account managers/whoever that need to travel to visit clients. Enjoy the MRT ride and the ride on your own two legs.
J told me something rather interesting. Apparently LTA system crashed big time this morning and it was causing massive jams almost everywhere. How so dependent we are on technology. Imagine a black out for 2 hours during peak hours (which is such a common phenomenon in Medan). Practically hundreds of thousands will be cozying up in the darkness of lifts. Ok. not really cozying up. More of trapped within clautraphobic inducing lifts and offices. Poor people.

Lif e is really such a weird thing. I was reading a new book. It was a very simple question: What is the meaning of being real? When was the last time we are being real to ourselves and people around us?Sometimes I wonder how real is the "me" that colleagues see? Is it more real that the "me' that my closer friends see? How different would it be from the "me" that my family sees? or the "me" that the church people see? I felt like I was acting. The scripts are based on circumstances. And I am tired. I guess the most real "me" is when I am alone, chilling out with my favorite book and a cup of tea. Hmm...

As I am looking at the children playing and chattering around, I am touched by how they can show whatever they feel to whoever that they encounter. Okay, there are those who are rather shy. Still, they are "excused" for their behaviour coz they are kids. Oh well, I guess in the end, all these are "me". Only in different circumstances. Those are the things that make human such a dynamic human being. Adaptable and full of flexibility. Only when we do not restrict ourselves. Jia you!! Tomorrow will be a better day.

Faced quite a few rejections today. That is how it is in a sales job. No worries! Tomorrow will be a better day. If not, there will still be tomorrow after tomorrow and more tomorrows to come.

Time to hit the bed. I am feeling light and "cloudy" Hmm..medicine works. Yawnzz...

Oh another favorite song: 7 Things by Miley Cirus

2008-09-18T09:18:00.002+08:00

Sneeze...*pull a piece of tissue paper* snort.....
Falling sick sucks big time. I can't do anything to make it better. Saturday was the prelude to this bout of flu. I thought it will get better on Sunday so I let it drag on until Monday. Well, not only it didn't get any better, things became worst. I finally took an MC on Tuesday. I rested for 1 day and went back to work on Wednesday. That was the most gruesome day ever! My head felt like it was going to split open. Every sentence that came out from my mouth was accompanied by fits of cough. Clients and candidates must have thought I am being funny with them. By the end of the day I wanted to vomit coz my head was spinning out of control. So, here I am today, took an MC again. I feel like going to another doctor to get 2nd opinion and 2nd set of medicine. I didn't get any better after my 1st visit to the doc. Worst of all, I can't smell a thing!
Indeed, smell is an ability that has been taken for granted! That whiff of coffee bean that drifted out of starbucks every morning or that blissful smell of freshly baked bread from nearby bakery. Such an ordinary occurance yet when one lost the sense of it, things seem.......rather misplaced. Oh well, I cooked a package of noodle for dinner yesterday but I don't know how it taste like. Is it too salty? Does it taste more like chicken noodle or egg noodle? I have no idea. Only the fact that it fills my stomach. Even my beloved soya milk taste like sugar water.

Woke up with a feeling of massive hangover. The fact is I can't even sleep properly yesterday. Great.....I have no choice but stay at home and rest. Jace started to cough yesterday. Hope she is fine. Darn, why can't the headache go away.....

2008-09-06T00:27:00.002+08:00

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What u need, what u need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see...

Song of the day. Many things happen today. Not all pleasant I would say. For the past few days I have been feeling rather de-motivated. Part of it is due to my irrational panic over pipelines and real assignments. Well, I was also quite affected by tense situation that has been brewing for the past week. It was like the calm before the storm. A massive storm. So it was. Hurricane Ashley blew over and took one away. Somehow, negative vibe is rather contagious and it sure affected me badly yesterday. I was feeling like someone who was stuck in a well with no apparent exit. There was a rope lowered by my Master. It landed just above me. I was too engulfed by the darkness and didn't even remember to look up. Hence, the rope stayed there and I was rob of all joy and peace. Silly me to do so.

I remembered a sermon that was preached by a visiting pastor in CooS. They spoke on worship and its purpose. The passage quoted was from Mark 14:3 onwards

3While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

4Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? 5It could have been sold for more than a year's wages^[a] and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.

6"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."

That perfume would have cost her the entire year worth of salary then. She poured it on the head of Jesus. This is an act of worship. She adored Him so much that she has given Him the most precious thing that she ever possesed i.e. the Perfume. When we press the spray of a bottle of perfume, fragrance whiffed through our nose even if it is only a little mist. Moreover when a jar of perfume being poured out. Jesus was in a confined space, Simon the Leper's house. The fragrance would have filled the entire space and that create an atmosphere. Similarly, worshipping God is like pouring out the perfume out of our adoration to Him. Just like the woman, when we initiated or poured the "perfume", the smell filled the air and creates an atmosphere for worship. It can be so intense that everyone can literally feel the presence of God in that place. Worship brings down the presence of God. Just like in old testament, when the priest burned incense in the Holy of the holiest, it was to bring down the presence of God to the temple.
On the other hand, negative atmosphere can be cultivated as well. Well, if worship of God is for positive atmosphere, murmuring, complaining and showing black face are definitely for negative atmosphere. It was a live example of what negative atmosphere can bring to the group. Everyone is down and affected. Things went downhill. I was rather amazed on how I felt yesterday. I should have realized that there are certain factors that came into play.
I felt unable when I am to pull myself out of the pit. Desperately, I tried to motivate myself but it was to no avails. My own effort is futile. But, I know God can bring me up from the pit. He wants to. Sometimes, I was too engulfed in the situation that things look skewed. Knowing that Jesus is in the boat of life with me is different from completely trusting Him to bring me safe to the shore. There are so many flaws in me. Like Paul said, oh Wretched person that I am. I want to do good but somehow I ended up doing evil things. I want to be right with God but I ended up spiralling downwards to the pit. Thank God and I really mean Thank God that he never gives up on me. He knows what He is getting into when He found me, this broken, selfish, emotional, sinful person. He knows it's going to be hard work to grow me and mold me into what he has in mind. It is like a faithful parent who tries and tries to teach His child. The difference is His patience is eternal. Thank God and Praise His Merciful ways.
People may say "Surely you are not that bad". Are you kidding me? I am that bad. But He is good. He is merciful and has accepted me broken as I am.
M said it's a good time to share the Gospel with this leaving person. I said I am not the right person because things may get complicated. He didn't know the full story. I don't want to walk into temptation. I am not good with friendship with guys and feelings may get further than that is allowed. That is why I didn't text him. I will be tempted to comfort him if he ever pours out whatever he feels. That will spell BAD NEWS. So, stay away and let others do the job. I will do the praying.
He is leaving immediately. Oh well, live goes on.

For the closing, I shall dedicate this song to those who are reading this rambling of mine.

Desperation Song - The Vine Worship Band

2008-08-16T00:44:00.002+08:00

Hate the song yet I cant help but smile at the lyrics.
What kind of sick feeling I am having now? This is ridiculous.
I was scribbling and drawing away during the meeting and suddenly "plop", a head landed on my shoulder. Of course I know whose head is it. I acted as if nothing happen and gave it a light tap. The best way is to treat him like a girl.
Something is definitely going on at the other side of the seat. But, it was one sided. I have a feeling that he is leaving soon. Earliest would be end of the year.
He was right. We have a good team now. There are glitches occasionally. Somehow, God blessed us with people who are able to complement each other well. Really well. One is leaving this coming Tuesday. Sad. Life must go on though.
It was this way in ME and it will be the same everywhere else. Mich left. Followed by Alice and HL. Next to leave is me n GC. Oh well, this is life. Get over it and move on.
Life is full of beginnings and endings, hits and misses. How many really stayed till the end.

Occasionally, I will think of M and W. Hmm, funny how M looks like W when it is flipped upside down. I miss the time we spent together laughing and playing together. Things were good as it is. Once that sickening feeling crept in, things will never be the same again.

I didn't go to his cell group because I do not want to see him. How do I tell him that meeting him make me feel even more? The fact that he likes my friend solidify my decision. I do not want to come in between them. What is the point of letting history repeating itself. Seriously. I will tell him one day. I think I would. We will see how. I am never good at softening the blow. Honesty is still the best policy. I miss W. He is stupidly irritating. But, he did gave me some of the best memories. Thinking back, what would have happen if I relented. Nah, I don't think I will ever do that.

STOP DWELLING IN THE PAST>!! Move on.

I am eating too much lately. Need to address this guilty feeling. Another round of binging tomorrow and Sunday.

Oh, I quit the ministry. Why? I don't want to serve anymore. It has turn into a chore. Going down every Sunday, acting happy and trying to enjoy whatever I was doing. I have been doing half of those from Monday to Friday. Out of 7 days, I only have 2 days of rest. No matter how selfish it sounded, I really want to do things that I like in these 2 days. No planning. Just go with the flow.

Well, I am quiting the church as well. Lets put it this way; things that are said left certain traces of doubt and confusion. I need to find answers to this. I really do.

Time to sleep. God knows when am I coming back here again. It has been rather quiet.

Lookin' at you now I can tell
That you and your new relationship ain't goin' well
There's no reason your name should come up on my cell
Unless you're unhappy but that shouldn't be the case

'Cause you said said he was the one
Baby yes you said said you were in love
'Cause when you left me you said that you wouldn't be
Comin' back remember that but I never agreed

I hate to say it but I told you so
Told you if you left that you were gonna be miserable
Guess he don't do it like me or else you wouldn't be
Runnin' back to the past it was you that left me
I hate to say it but you know I'm right
Everytime you're up be callin' for me late at night
But now that you ain't got me tell me where you gon' be
'Cause I can't take you back no my heart won't let me

Girl you know he can't touch like I do
I don't see you trippin' or flippin' over his moves
Don't take a genius to see he ain't that dude
But you let him back you don't know what you was on

When you said said he was the one
Baby yes you said said you were in love
'Cause when you left me you said that you wouldn't be
Comin' back remember that but I never agreed

You fall on hard times it seems
But you ain't gettin' no sympathy
No baby not from me
'Cause I told you you should never leave
See you chose this road so you gotta go it alone
Remember I told you so

2008-07-26T23:51:00.002+08:00

Dark night is goooooooood!!

Just like the title, the movie is blanketed by darkness. Throughout the movie, I cant help but to see how similar the Joker is to the snake. He is the epitome of evil.
This is what a critic says about the Joker:
"rather a freakishly disturbing embodiment of those destructive human impulses that can't so easily be explained away"
He is smart, psychologically smart. Listen to his conversation with Batman in the interrogation cell and above the building when he was hanged upside down. He laid out the situation, threw in some lies, yet not all lies, he reasoned his way into Batman's conscience. The Joker knew his weakness. Just like the snake who whispered half-lies-half-truth into our mind. They can be frighteningly accurate at times. How many times we thought we could remain self-righteous throughout our days and only to find out we are like branches in the wind. So readily swayed and broken off when strong wind blown us over.

Men are hopelessly vulnerable. More than we want to admit, our mind has the capability of absorbing all sorts of rubbish. Deep down, we wanted to trust those around us. We wanted to know that there are people who would fight with us shoulder to shoulder. I pity Harvey Danns ( is this how to spell his name?). He was trying to be the righteous one. He was trying to do the right thing. Oh well, the snake knew his weakness and it was a bull eye shot. From there on, it was a slippery slope. He was reduced to those that he hated so much.

Things are not always black and white. The question is how to stay pure when we are confronted by compromises or even expected to do so? The movie may seems to portray only hopelessness in human nature. Men trying to outdo and outlived one another. Batman believes that there are some good within men. Joker is out to prove that humanity is just a cloak on the savage beast that has no feeling whatsoever. What is the truth then? I don't know. I guess both point of view has its own element of truth. All is not lost though. They said the darkest hours are those that are before the first light of dawn. One of the character said "Things will only get worst before it gets better". Indeed it is. This is a fallen world. We are part of it and no doubt we will fall together with it. The question is are we going to grab that rope that was extended to us or let it go and spiral down to eternity?

Kids shouldn't watch this. It is too dark and sinister.

When the light went on at the end of the show, I was rather stunned. My mind was bogged down by all these psychological complexity. No wonder the Lord says guard your heart (refer to the mind) because all sorts of thought can enter it. Guess what, contrary to what others say, we can control what we want to think. Think of what the Master wants us to think.

On a lighter note, bits and pieces of the past flashes back into my mind. When was the last time I thought of him?

While on the bus to suntec, I thought back those words that were spoken. I wonder how he is and what he is doing now. Was he thinking of me too? I still have the earrings he gave to me. He was so excited when he showed me the earrings he bought from somewhere. It was all in the past and nothing I can do to change it. Suddenly feel like going to club. Or even chill out at CHIJMES. We were there once.

Next friday I maybe going to Vino Vino with people from work. I thought of the time in hall when I could come back tipsy and no one will really care. Can't do it now. My aunt will submit a huge report to my mom. I will be in hot soup!!

Sometimes I do wish that I can do anything I want and not care about the time. Too many things to be taken into consideration. When was the last time I was carefree and happy? Don't remember. Is this what it means to be adult?

2008-07-24T23:14:00.002+08:00

Hmm..Dilemma.

I was on the way back from work this evening. The train was rather empty after 8pm. Getting a seat is not a problem at Raffles Place stop. When the train got to City Hall, people started to stream in. Soon enough the train was filled to the brim. So there's this lady with her husband standing in front of me. She was rather plum and has a tummy. The thing is I am not sure whether she is pregnant or simply fat. So I was looking at her tummy, contemplating on whether to give up my seats or not. If I do and she is not pregnant, I will be damned! If I don't and she is pregnant, I will be branded as unsympathetic. Either way I am gonna make a mistake. So I chose the lesser of both evil. I remained seated.
Can anyone tell me how to differentiate pregnant lady from lady with big belly? Especially when the pregancy is only 3 to 4 months? If it is a skinny lady with bigger belly, that is easy to tell. What about plump lady who is 3 months pregnant? How to differentiate??
Scratch head.....

I have been doing a lot of OT lately. Stayed in the office until 7 plus almost 8. There is a massage parlour above my office. Well, they have more customers after 6pm. Any Tom Dick Harry can walk up and down the stairs and I am usually alone in the office. Scaryyyyy...
Lots of work, lots of expectation, lots of people to talk to. There are times that I want to break into tears but I have to hold it back. It is unnecessary and totally childish. Sometime I do wish I have someone to talk to when I am alone in the office doing OT. Or even to sms to. But I can't think of anyone who would bother. So in the end, I wrapped up my work and quickly head home. At least I have some entertainment at home. It can get quite lonely when there are no one around to talk to.

2008-07-08T22:32:00.002+08:00

I am back! Yep, hopefully I have more time and more topics to update my blog.

Anyway, one day katz over heard a conversation between 2 people. It went like this:

I: If you ever touch my kitchen, I am gonna burn down your entire house.
S: Oh yeah? Let's see whose house will be burnt down first. Bring it on.

I: Okay. You think I am kidding? I am going to destroy your garden with my mighty grass mower.
S: Do you think I have none? My water hose can flood up your entire estate.

I: Yeah Right. You will not want to taste my wrath.
S: Same to you. You wouldn't want to step into the rage zone of mine. Not only me, my big brother will crush you like a giant crushing an ant.

I: Your big brother is all talk and no action. What's new? It has been this way since he tried to act all heroic in saving R.
S: You suck! I'm gonna destroy you

I: No you suck. I'm so going to annihilate you.
S: No You!

I: No You!
S: NO YOU!

and it goes on and on and on........................

Can you imagine two neighbors doing that for the past 40 years? 50 years?
It is almost hilarious to see two countries threatening each others over the media. I as the reader is sick and tired of the war of words between these two nations. Grow up!
The rest of the world wants to be "diplomatic" and talk it out in some round table discussions. In the end, they came out with economic sanctions and more economic sanctions. Seems like our dear I is quite happy playing along with the rest of the world. Anyway, they are not required to be responsible to their words spoken. Have they ever?
Ok. Let me correct myself here. It is the governement of I not the entire nation that needs to grow up. The people are suffering and their leaders are pre-occupied with annihilating another nation. Great. What a vision for a country. So what if you gain the whole world? You lost your soul forever in the end.

2008-06-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

A story from the Mainland.

Once a month Chen Hongxian is allowed to visit her husband in prison for 30 minutes, two hours away from where she lives. Pastor Zhang Rongliang, leader of the China for Christ house church movement, was sentenced to seven-and-a-half years’ imprisonment in June 2006 for “illegally crossing the national border and fraudulently obtaining a passport.”

Enlarge this Image

Chen reported that when she visited her husband in early April, Pastor Zhang was doing relatively well. He can walk again, but only short distances. He still suffers from several chronic diseases, such as diabetes and high blood pressure. He suffered a stroke in July 2007 which paralyzed half his body.

Authorities isolated him because his evangelization in prison resulted in too many new believers. Other prisoners risk punishment when they speak with him. Last year a prisoner came to Christ shortly before he was executed. The prisoner wrote to his mother: “I am going to heaven to wait for you, so believe in Jesus.”

Chen says: “His heart is still with the ministry of the house church network. He said to me, ‘You can do anything to get me out, but under one condition – I will never leave China. My calling is here.’”

‘I Do Not Feel Like A Widow’

“When my husband was sent to prison for the first time, some 30 years ago, I was not a Christian myself. I was really touched by the care of brothers and sisters from the church. They brought me food and visited me during the Chinese New Year. Because of their witness, I also became a believer. I consider the times that my husband was in prison just as a normal part of being a Christian. It is just carrying the cross. This is the price one has to pay as a Christian. I do not feel bad because my husband is in prison and my children can not stay at home because the authorities are after them. I do not feel like a widow.

“However, sometimes I can not sleep. Then I pray, and I can sleep. But I have the feeling that my prayers are not strong enough; that they do not reach heaven. Therefore, I am so grateful that brothers and sisters (around the world) are praying for us. When I pray for my husband, I pray that he may be strong and that he may have peace in his heart.”

Chen adds: “I wait for my husband to be released. We hope and pray that he may be released earlier (than scheduled), because of the Olympic Games (which start August 8 in Beijing). That would be great! But when I asked the prison authorities about the possibility of early release, they said, ‘You should come together with your children and then we will consider.’ (Note: The real reason behind this reply is that authorities are seeking her children; her oldest son was elected into the leadership team of the house church network where Pastor Zhang is one of the leaders.) So there is nothing more that we can do but to just wait and see.”

It is not unusual that a prisoner gets early release following “good behavior.” However, given Pastor Zhang’s case and his evangelization activities in prison, it is – humanly speaking – not likely that he will get an early release.

Chen Hongxian’s prayer requests:
+ Pray for his release before the Olympics

+ Pray for his health

+ Pray for our (all of the family’s) endurance

+ Pray for the protection of my two sons (35 and 27 years old) who are on the run

+ Pray that the Olympic Games will bring a change in China and that the country will become more open to the Gospel of Jesus.

2008-06-01T21:23:00.003+08:00

So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless. So restless.

Is it because tomorrow will be my first day at the new place?
Is it because my mom is going back home?
Is it because I am having my monthly dosage of PMS?
Urgh! So irritating. How I wish I could be "feeling-less".
So much easier to deal with situation by not giving in to any emotion.

Is this job for me? Honestly, I don't know. I'll give myself 6 months and we'll see how we can go from there. Yep. 6 months is quite a short time. Enough for me to consider whether or not to stay and enough for me too look for a new job if this is not the one.

Hmm..why am I being so apprehensive about this new job. This is not the optimistic Katz. Or am i letting the timid side of me taking over everything?

I kept telling those who asked, I know nothing about this job. Going in there with only my heart and my brain. Oh yes, my body as well. I'll try my best to learn all that is being taught. 6 months down the road, I'll be looking back at this day and laugh at how silly I am being anxious over nothing. Oh well.
Silly Katz.

Holiday's off and time to get back to the real world.

Hmm...Thinking back, I wasn't sure how anxious I was during my first day at ME. Don't remember. I only remembered getting there early and ended up being slightly late (according to my standard) and realizing that there are those who were later.
It's good to know others are feeling the same way during their first day of work. (^o^)

New chapter of life, lets rock it!

Good night folks!

2008-05-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

Almost lover by A fine frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

2008-05-16T22:35:00.004+08:00

you say i only hear what i want to.
you say i talk so all the time so.

and i thought what i felt was simple,
and i thought that i don't belong,
and now that i am leaving,
now i know that i did something wrong 'cause i missed you.
yeah, i missed you.

and you say i only hear what i want to:
i don't listen hard,
i don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
or to anyone, anywhere,
i don't understand if you really care,
i'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.

so i turned the radio on, i turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
the lover's in love, and the other's run away,
the lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.

some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dying since the day they were born.
well, this is not that:
i think that i'm throwing, but i'm thrown.

and i thought I'd live forever, but now i'm not so sure.

you try to tell me that i'm clever,
but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.

you said that i was naive,
and i thought that i was strong.
i thought, "hey, i can leave, i can leave."
but now i know that i was wrong, 'cause i missed you.

you said, "i caught you 'cause i want you and one day i'll let you go."
"you try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose.
and you say, "stay."

you say i only hear what i want to.

Here's stay by Lisa Loeb.
When memory floods back, what is there to hold on to? Being swept away, I wonder whether that was inevitable or simply voluntary. I miss the time. Charles Bass reminds me of him.

By the way, I quit my job. Unofficially. I've told my boss that I am resigning. She is cool with it. Tuesday will be my last day. Probably I should write a card to thank her for her effort, time and patience. Well, no one is perfect but she sets the standard as my first boss. I'm gonna miss this place. Urgh..the sentimental Katz. Browsing through my bookmark list, it dawned on me I would no longer need to browse all those databases and company lists. I will leave those really friendly bosses alone. For good. No way I'm going back into this industry. People are telling me they are cutting cost and saving up. Great! Door's closed and it's time to go to another.

I like to give farewell gifts to people. But, is it because I want to be remembered that way? or I truly want to thank them? I guess it is 60/40. 60 for the fact that I want to be remembered as someone who leave with grace or elegance or class or style. Whatever. But that require a lot of $$$. I really need to change that. People come and go. Only family stays and some true friends. How long till the next "batch of friends?" I guess it's in 2 weeks time. Farewell Marcus Evans. It has been a fun ride.

2008-05-10T03:30:00.001+08:00

WOW!!!WooT!!!
Haiz...the type that I will fall head over heel for.
Too bad, he is in canada. Half jap half chinese. He can speak jap, english, korean, chinese, cantonese and music language!
He still need to work on the high notes though..

2008-05-10T01:23:00.003+08:00

swoonz!! Melt melt melt!! If only I can have such guy as my bf. I think i am a hearing type rather than the visual type. Afgan rocks!

2008-05-10T00:40:00.003+08:00

Back to the real world.
It was said that Bali seems to have a pulling force on those who have visited the island. How true it is. I don't mind going back there again. I've uploaded some of the bali pic in facebook. Check them out guys! Interesting experiences, interesting people and even better shopping experience! Imagine slashing price like no body's business.

It was a good trip. Refreshed and re-energized. Ready for the next challenge!
Got quite a good event at work. Warehouse management. Something that haven't been done for quite sometimes. Well, we'll see how it goes. How good an event is shown by how fast the people book. Doing my best now. Let's hope things will turn out right or it will be a sign that it's time to let go.

2008-04-21T21:40:00.001+08:00

Amazing testimonies about how Christ loves His people.
God uses the most insignificance thing on the world to accomplish His purposes. Out of the mouth of babe....

2008-04-20T21:02:00.002+08:00

JJ Lin suddenly has many quality musics! I actually enjoy listening to them. Hmm..Must find a way to download ALL of them. Or should I go and buy the album? We'll see.

Anyway, I received 2 job offers. Both of them seem promising. Good supervisor, about the same pay but.... As usual, there's always A But. I am going to reject both. Call me picky but I believe there will be better ones coming. So I guess I am still gonna be around.

Went back to hall on Saturday and stayed until 1130. I missed the last bus and had to spend a good 19.80 bucks on cab fare! It was a day well spent I would say. After my interview, I walked around anson road and took a few snaps. Photographing always takes the stress and gloominess away. Looking at the object, I can't help but to think how could I capture this and make ordinary things look interesting. There's so much to learn and to improve!

To some people, life goes on. To others, it is not as easy as A B C. Part of parcel of life comes with decision making and accepting circumstances. When there is nothing we can do about it, the best way is to accept and move on. No matter how hard it is, we have to learn to let go.
If one lost hope, can one go on in life? I guess for some it's possible. Being realistic, they say.
Oh well, Fren, if you are reading this, I will always always keep you in prayer. I want you to see that Jesus is someone you can hold on to. No matter how downtrodden you and you girl are, He is your anchor. Your friends may leave you, the people may flame you, but Jesus said He will be with you even to the end of the world. His words are true and eternal. Hope you can see and know this Jesus that has loved you even before your being is formed. Cheer up!!

2008-04-19T00:37:00.003+08:00

Acts 9:17-19

Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." 18Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, 19and after taking some food, he regained his strength.

Watch this video. Praise God for His miraculous work! Nothing is impossible for Him! If Jesus can save an Islamic fundamentalist militant into a man like this guy, He can even change you and make you see the truth. I pray that you will see the truth - Jesus is the truth, life and the only way to God the Father. No other way. There's only life and death, choose life and only in Jesus you can find life.

Part 1

Part 2

2008-04-09T19:50:00.002+08:00

Found this article in the latest GLOBE ASIA. Totally agree with it. Such potential yet acting like an overgrown kid. I mean the country as whole.

Indonesia is fast gaining a reputation for being a nation where nothing works - a country where a days's heavy downpour can paralyze the capital city and shut down its international airport for two days. (Hey, it's the culture. What's new?)

We have become a Never Never Land where the only certainty in business is that it will take forever to get the job done. (Yep, even a simple decision takes 1 week to make)

The term "high cost economy" has taken on a whole new dimension in Indonesia as business are faced with payinh bribes and watching their capital drained by inefficient infrastructure. (Welcome to Indonesia)

Anyway, the day in office started innocently with a training event. Yeah more like a lashing out session. The management wants to slap a few people but they don't know how to do it. So they chose to slap their entire division. Those who are innocent must be feeling indignation all over. It's not their fault. It took one hour. How do I feel about this? I was indifference to begin with. In the end I was frustated and irritated. When I feel frustated, my tear glands decide to be extra hard working. So I cried. I feel really sorry towards my team that I am not contributing at all. 0 sales from my side. Waking up everyday, hoping that things will change for the better. People giving me "janji surga" a.k.a promise that will never be fulfilled. What can I do? I don't like to fight. When I do, desperation seeps in and it will only make things worst! What can I do??? seriously, What should I do? Somebody, anybody?

The day ended with a good dose of "indoctrination" on Marcus evans brand. They want to find out how we, the new ones, feel about the brand name. Seriously, they don't want to know the truth. Live in denial and we will definitely got kick out of the competition. Proceeding to the rest of the session, I decided to keep quiet. Just listen and learn. Yeah, I got a few tips here and there. It was quite a good session. Credits to the pretty CRM manager and super cute CRM Director (he is married, darn!).

Let's be objective here. Marcus evans has a lot of potential. It can even be the best biz intelligence provider in APAC. People can actually feel proud to be in this company. Oh well, poor management really works. I mean in bringing down the entire image of ME. Some may beg to differ but this is how I feel as an employee here. Lousy QC on event production coupled with lousy service from operation and client servicing side plus aggresive sales person spell D.O.O.M. Like it or not, Asia business culture is not like Europian or American's. How?

2008-04-07T21:20:00.005+08:00

My Mac has been in coma for 5 days. All symptoms show that it maybe due to failure of logic board. Well basically it is something that will cause the mac to be on perpetual sleep mode aka C.O.M.A. I've sent it to the repair center and now awaiting the verdict. Pray that everything will be alright.

Saturday was such an eventful day. I met up with him for lunch followed by dinner with the girls. Babbling like mad, that was the plan to minimize awkward silence. He was quite well these days. Thank God for His protection and abundance blessings upon him. I guess I really missed him. Kinda pestered him to spill some beans out. Well, the can was tipped over and some of the beans actually fell out. That was enough for me to know. Time to step back into the shadow and wish them well. I will be very happy if they ever get together. Seriously. G was saying that no matter how many times you assure your friend who happen to like the same person that it is ok with you if they ever get together, your friend will still feel in dilemma - should I tell or not? Should I accept or not? Take it as I am thinking too much but I don't want that to happen. It is enough for me to see him happy with the person that he likes.

While walking towards Tanglin mall bazaar, I passed places that caught my "other eyes" - my belove Powershot. A picture paints a thousand words. Here they are

2008-03-30T21:12:00.006+08:00

2008-03-30T20:54:00.002+08:00

Apparently I can't post up my pics at facebook. Neither can I upload them at flickr. Something about me exceeding my quota. Whatever, I'll just upload some here. New blog skin!!Wheeee...
Simple and pretty. But the font size is a teeny bit too small.

Church was awesome today. His presence is like smoke that fill the entire room from roof to the ground. Who could stand in that Holy Place without being touched by His overwhelming love. God has a sense of humor. Well, to cut the story short, when I want to be alone, God usually out a few people around me that I don't feel like seeing. LOL.

Pastor Prince spoke about how the enemy go about doing his business aka steal, kill and destroy. (As I am typing this, I think my room mate is crying. Don't know to comfort her or not. hmmm)
Anyway, the first and foremost way is by throwing accusation at us. These are not without valid reasons. We still sin after all. The enemy will use that and the law to formulate all sort of accusation against us. It is up to us to receive it or not. If we do, we are allowing him gaining foothold in our life and he will go around destroying things. Don't expect the enemy comes in the form of ugly big demon. Usually he will come in the form of religious leaders, people who just love to "speak" into our life. Somehow, this message strikes a note within me. I have been feeling bad about not spending time with God. Not having quiet time. All I have ever done these days are watching TVs. I prayed for the dryness to go away at work. I prayed for job offer to come. I prayed for peace and joy to reign in my heart even as I am still in my current job. But, deep within I disqualified myself on the basis of not doing His commandment and therefore not getting the blessings that I suppose to have. Negative expectation, that's what I have been feeling lately. Anna got a deal for MBA. Rambo got 6 deals for MBA. I have none.

I know this is the accusation. The dryness at work is the result of not spending enough time with God. I know in my head this is not the case! God bless me because of Jesus' blood on the cross. Because He loves me therefore He will fulfill all that I asked in the name of Jesus. I know this in my head. But in my heart, I doubt it. I know it is a sin to be doubtful about God's goodwill towards me. Feeling so useless. I don't even have the faith to trust in Him. Trust that He will bring the breakthrough.

Forgive me Jesus for feeling this way. I really want to trust in you. That You will make everything work for good for those who love you and are called according to your purpose. I don't know what else should I do.

2008-03-27T22:45:00.002+08:00

Well Well Well, it's time for 77 star again.
Nostalgic feeling swept over me as I walked the familiar path to SH. I was back for one of block C annual tradition 77 star. This year the theme was how to win a girl in 7 steps. Some of the performances are recycled from last year 77 star. Nevertheless, kudos to all the effort and hardwork they have put in. As usual, the seniors stole the limelight with the MATRIACH. Good job C-towners!
I saw him and my instinct was to get away immediately. I didn't know whether he saw me or not but he was definitely talking to Eley. So I pretended to be on the phone and walked away. Well, I was on the phone. My mom was telling me a very hillarious story. That's for another time.
Ham and der came later and they joined the rest at the audience area. I stood at the railing on level 4 with Candy and Ed. I guess people must be wondering why am I being so unfriendly; refuse to take group photo and staying away from being seen by seniors who knew me. Well, I guess I am weird. Not in the mood to make small talk and don't want to be seen by him.
I was thinking of staying longer to catch up with darius and yc. But, the offer of free ride back by Yee Haun was too tempting to resist. It was 930 and I don't want to go back with him so the best choice was to accept his offer to drive me home. Yay!
anyway, I posted some of the photo of 77 star in my facebook. Check them out!

2008-03-25T19:51:00.000+08:00

Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday - Sunday.
And it is all over again.
Weeks roll by and pressure is definitely mounting. I have been selling this event for one month and deals are not in sight. Well, there suppose to be 2 today but the client decided to register later. So my boss blew her out and leave it as it is. Plus, I received another rejection from a potential client. Oh well, that's the way it is in sales job. What else can I do but to move on and seek for new deals. I still believe my Lord will bring in the deals for me. I still believe that at the end of the day, my God will somehow meet the required number. I still and will continue to believe until I see the result.
I moved seats again! This time I am sitting near Alice and SL. It is quite enjoyable sitting there. People are less serious and chit chat more. Well, the result is I become slack.
Yes, I am going to leave anyway. But, while I am still here, I want to do my best. I want to get deals in because this is my responsibility. I want to top up the number because 3 day MBA is my event. No matter how sick of this job, I still want to complete what I started even if that means I am the only one left selling this event. Changes can be felt hanging in the air. Rumour has it that my event will be given over to other team and I will be doing a new event. Really?
Feel so hopeless now. Is it the people or the company or is it me? I suck, am I? How? How?
I am so looking forward to Friday. Time to pause and really think of where I need to be. I just want to go somehow and do some serious photo shooting. Look at those photo in National Geographic. If only. Bottom line, I need to believe and I want to. Like what was spoken by the centaurion, Lord I believe, help my unbelief.

2008-03-24T19:26:00.000+08:00

When was the last time I actually post something here? This blog has been awfully neglected. So sorry.
Anyway, there's a song that has been playing over and over again since this morning. Don't know the singer, Don't remember the title. Fortunately, I remembered where I heard it. So off I go on a journey browsing through blkcdiary.blogspot.com, hoping somehow I will chance upon the song.
Well, I did and something more!!
I saw this poster on kissable lips. I thought probably it is some 77 star promotion poster. Well well, guess what I found
http://kissableguy.mediacorptv.sg/contestant01.php?id=257

I have to admit, he looks damn good! For Someone who can just change out of his pants into his boxer while there is a girl in his room, I really can't believe he can be good looking. This guy totally don't treat me as girl. What the heck.
Anyway, here's the lyrics and the song

Will you count me in?

V1: I've been awake for a while now
you've got me feelin like a child now
cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

C: It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

V2: The rain is fallin on my window pane
but we are hidin in a safer place
under covers stayin dry (*safe) and warm
you give me feelins that I adore

C: It starts in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes
i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

B: What am I gonna say
when you make me feel this way
I just........mmmmmm

C: It starts in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes
i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

V3: I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

C: It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin me tight

Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever you go, I'll always know
Cause you make me smile here, just for a while

2008-03-08T22:12:00.005+08:00

Proudly presenting my very own first camera!! *clap clap and shout*
LOL. It's a sleek black Canon Powershot SX100. Cost me quite a bomb but I'm happy! Finally I am able to snap away without using my camera phone. Phew. I got my black baby at this month's IT fair. Went there with SQ on Friday night. My goodness, the place was packed to the roof! People jostling here and there for the sake of extremely affordable 8GB thumb drives and God-knows what other bargains they found along the way. SQ bought a few blank DVD-R. Ok, A few is an understatement! LoL. Being a pirate that he is, how can a few be enough for his collections. Anyway, this little black baby cost me SGD 499 complete with lots of freebees.
This afternoon, I went to Botanic Garden to snap some photos.

I should rotate this..haha..

This little cute creature practically posed for me !

This camera is not as advanced as DSLR but it is good enough for beginners like me. SX100 has Tv and Av selection as well as ISO all the way to 1600. The optical zoom is amazing! Love it to the bits. Doing Point focusing is not as convenient as 400D. It took me sometimes to get the focus I need via manually pointing the lens to the point I want. If Canon wants to come out with another SX series, please add the 9 point focusing option (I don't know the correct term for this). Well, for those who can't afford a 40D or 400D, it will be a great blessing! Lol.
I'm quite satisfied with SX100. At least I can do a lot of macro shots using it!

2008-03-04T21:59:00.004+08:00

A short transcript of SMS.....in chinese. So here's the english translation.

Girl: 我想我有一點。。。想你。。。。

1 day later.......

Boy: 你是不是傳錯了？？

Almost immediately...

Girl: 我想我有一點。。。喜歡你。。。

Boy:真的啊？可是我不知道怎縻辦耶？

To be continued...

-_-" guys.......why can't they get it when girls are being straightforward. Oh well..hahha

Oh...courtesy of Hei se Hui Mei Mei's Wo ai hei se hui...

2008-03-01T01:00:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I wish that I was the weather
You'd bring me up in conversation forever
And when it rained, I'd be the talk of the day

Oh, sometimes I wish that I was a cold beer
I'd rest assured that you would hold me near
I'd be guaranteed to be just what you need

And there could be no other way, 'cause you're so, you're so lame
Your tired words are all, they're all the same
Yeah I would walk and I'd surely walk away
If I wasn't such a sucker for you

Sometimes, I wish that I was a bong hit
You'd let me in and you would love every minute
And tell the room the things I did to you...

Oh and there could be no other way, 'cause you're so lame
Your tired words are all, your tired words are all the same
Yeah I would walk you know I'd surely walk away
If I wasn't such a sucker for you

I see your world with rosey-colored glasses on
Wanna right what I see wrong
I could never have that power over you

Someday, I'm gonna pack up and leave this town
I'm gonna get my own things going on
And when I do, I'll forget
I'll forget
I'll forget about how, how you're so, you're so lame
Your tired words are all, your tired words are all the same
And I would walk you know I'd, I'd walk away
If I wasn't such a sucker for you
I wasn't such a sucker for you
I wasn't such a sucker for you

How I wish I can just pack up and leave.......

2008-03-01T00:26:00.002+08:00

Here's a little confession from Cat.

I didn't go to BOC today. Simple reason, I just don't want to go. Yes, Irresponsible and lazy gurl, that's me. I woke up super duper late and decided to give the trip a miss. Of course I need to do some "supplementary works" to explain my absence. The reason gave wasn't completely untrue. I was thinking of looking for a specialist for my nose. Lately, it has turned into a sneezing machine. My aunt passed me a few name cards. I guess I'll check them out next week. Another reason for missing BOC? We'll see.
Anyway, I was asked to call in to explain. I called in, explained and the other side seemed to accept my reasons. Or is she? According to G, they were discussing about me after the call. With serious and hush hush tone. Oh well, fire me then. I'll be happier. Save my brain and breath in explaining.

Anyway, after much thought and reasoning, I decided to move on. To where and when? Don't know yet. Hopefully I will get some positive responses after mailing out so many hopes. The thing I am scared of is what if God wants me to stay here, longer that I actually want to. I dreaded that coz for obvious reason I can't go against Him.

Am I brave enough to leave without another options? I don't know. Seriously.
Knowing well this is not what I wanted to do in long run, should I just leave, take a break while searching for a new one? At least I can go and meet those prospectus without the need to lie to my boss about my absence. I hate doing that and they are suspecting something is wrong with me. I am bothered by their insecurities and their pushiness. I am bothered by their various tries of moving me everywhere. For the third time I was asked to move seats. This time, I was asked to move to one isolated corner in front of GM tiny little corner. Plan before you hire! That is common sense. Where are the newbies going to sit? On our laps? And sharing one phone?
And that stand up regime everyday! Ridiculous! I can't write properly. I have to bend down and point my arse to the lady behind me. No one will appreciate another pointing his or her arse right to their face for half an hour.

I am 6 month into the job. By Mar 20, I am officially into my 7th month. Should I close this chapter on April 20 or May 20?

Honestly, I have no confidence in closing any sales this week or even next week. 2 weeks into the new event, and she is practically asking me to squish the juice out of a rock. The problem is I am not good enough for this job. I am not passionate with what I am doing. I can't be shamelessly pushing the people to buy my event. I don't want to lie just to get DMs hp no. Is there no other way of doing this job?

Why should I care so much? Seriously, there is nothing for me here. Nothing worth staying. Feel so helpless and useless. Timid and Cowardice.

I guess I have to put S5 IS on hold, infinitely. If I am too leave without an option, I need all the support I can gather.

2008-02-25T22:50:00.003+08:00

Falling into melancholy again. That "bluish" feeling can be dangerously comfortable at times. No wonder people love to wallow in self pity. It is so easy to enter such emotion.
To quote zhao "Where is the lurve bro?". I miss hall. Sheltered and forgiving, that was the environment I used to be in. No matter how ugly things are in the end we are still friends. Even as victims, everything will pass away once you decided to step away. Now, even you don't want to be in it, somehow or another you are caught in the midst of it. Human are ugly creature. Oh well.

I am disappointed. What is the point of controlling when it is clearly out of desperation. The more you push a tiger to the corner, it will simply make him jump over the wall and leave. They are many tigers around. Fighters who can contribute. Blame it to the management, blame it to us who can't "suck it up". Blame it to the entire system. Blame it to the society. Well, this is part of growing up and living in the real world. Can't blame anyone. I just have to wait until I said "enough is enough". Meanwhile, suck it up and swallow. As long as they don't use me as sacrificial lamb, I will see my new baby till the time is up. I guess loyalty means zero in this place. Oh well. I am just a little ant worker trying to do her part. Let me do my job in peace. Don't aggravate me.

2008-02-25T22:27:00.002+08:00

The song that describes how I feel these days. In the end I chose to be indifference like I have always been. It is easier to stay indifference. Less trouble less worry. I guess single life suits me more. I hate to be overly sensitive. That is me.
One thing and another gave me the impression I am not needed there. So I shall shun away and act as if it doesn't matter.

我过去那死党早晚共对
各也扎职以后没法畅聚
而终於相约到但无言共对疏淡如水
曰夜做见爸爸刚好想呻
却霎眼看出他多了皱纹
而他的苍老感是从来未觉太内疚担心

最心痛是爱得太迟有些心意
不可等某个曰子
盲目地发奋忙忙忙其实自私
梦中也习惯有压力要我得知
最可怕是爱需要及时只差一秒
心声都已变历史
忙极亦放肆见我爱的见双至
要抱要吻怎黱也好
偏要推说要等一下次
我也觉我体质仿似下降
看了症得到是别要太忙
而影碟都扫光但从来未看因有事赶
曰夜做储的钱都应该够
到圣诞正好讲跟我白头
谁知她开了口未能挨下去己恨我很久

错失太易爱得太迟我怎想到
她忍不到那曰子
盲目地发奋忙忙忙从来未知幸福会掠过
再也没法说钟意爱一个字
也需要及时只差一秒
心声都己变历史为忙未放肆
见我爱见的双至要抱要吻要怎黱也好
不要相信一切有下次
相拥我所爱又花几多秒
这几秒能够做到又有多少
未算少足够遗憾忘掉
多少抱憾多少过路人
太懂估计却不懂爱锡自身
人人在发奋想起他朝都兴奋
但今晚未过你要过也很吸引
纵不信运你不过是人
你想很远爱於咫尺却在等
来曰别操心趁你有能力开心
世界有太多东西发生不要等到天

2008-02-17T21:59:00.004+08:00

I need a dose of motivation
A spoon full of encouragement
A glass of attention
A plate of determination
A bowl of resilience
A bottle of joy
Finally, I need to know what I truly want.

I need to believe that this event can sell. Put it more specifically, I need to believe that I can sell and actually getting delegates for this event! That old symptoms of fear is back. I am reluctant to go for the top. I don't know whether I should call on HP or not. Feel so useless suddenly. Thinking back, there is a tinge of regret that I took up life sciences as my major. The "I should have, would have, what if" keep swimming back and forth in my mind. Did I really make a mistake by studying life science? Did I really make a mistake by doing all that I have done in hall? Or am I simply being whiny. I think the latter is the most likely.

Yesterday, I mentioned to a friend that somehow I felt he is treating with extreme caution/politeness. I don't like that. I felt foreign towards him. Sigh, I am totally expecting something that is not going to happen. Somehow his reaction encourages me to pull myself even further than what it already is. To the point that it's alright not to talk or catch up with each other. If that is what it should be, alright then. It is easier this way. I don't want to try to catch up anyway. Tired. Fine with me. I will stop trying.

Mr ong was discussing a "3 yr plan" with me, which includes a graduate dip cert in biz mgt, a theological foundation and a new environment. He called it optimizing my time. Is this really what I want? Seems like I am walking even further into the corporate world. Just want to get away for a while. But, that is like running away!

Feeling rather unfulfilled lately.

remember the new indo event I mentioned in my previous entry.
Yep, due to some strange cosmic coincidence, I got the event.
*smile bitterly* Life is indeed very weird!

2008-02-12T22:47:00.001+08:00

Back from CNY hols in Medan. Phew, it feels great to have a break. Not too long not too short. Enough for me to recharge? Really? Then why do I feel like lazing around for another week. Haaa
I am getting lazy. Must not give in to every single whim and whine of mine.

Trip back to Medan was eventful. My sister has her own car and she was my very own "chauffer". Hhhahha. What to do. Her elder sister, namely me, can't drive. Besides, driving in indo equals to suicide. If one can survive there without any scratches on the car, one can drive anywhere!

We had our own lil' firework display at rooftop. Guess having fireworks during my bday celebration is not such an impossible task after all. Provided I am in Indonesia, where everything goes. Well, almost everything. I'll try to put up some pics and videos of the fireworks display.

How can I not mention the food I've gobbled up during my trip. Delicious heavenly food! Yum Yum. Seriously, when people asked me what's good in medan. Only one thing's good - food, good cheap affordable food. Not too sure about the hygiene but who cares! hahha..

A friend of my cousin's boyfriend came to visit us as well. He is a 16 year old boy name James but we call him ah-boy, ah gu, all sorts of names. Well, he made quite an impression during his short trip here. A rich good looking boy who are also kind hearted, humorous, naive and dumb at times. Haha..he was our source of entertainment during that excruciating hour drive to Brastagi. I almost puked during the ride. The driver was doing his own version of Initial D while I was praying and hoping that I won't puked out my lunch. bleah.

Well, well, so here I am. Dreading to go to work tomorrow. More like being lazy. While checking out ME website, I noticed they are doing another Indo event. Goodness gracious me! Please don't let me sell that event. It is another neither here nor there event. General and cheap event. When will I hit my senior target?! US Dolllar keeps on weakening.

On a brighter note, I got my very own ipod Nano!!HA!
Finally, something I bought using my own pay. It's a bday pressie from me to myself. Soft green colored with black leather case. YaY!!
Ok..time to find more songs.
Current fav singer - Nathan Hartono! You go dude!

2008-02-12T22:46:00.001+08:00

[5] My Crush
[Nathan Hartono]

I’ve got a secret
A funny little secret
Oh boy I hope you won’t tell
She’s fine like wine and sweeter than sweets
Like honey, honey, no one can beat
And she’ll keep any guy she is willing to keep

When you do hat thing you do you got me off my feet
When you say that thing you say I’m on the edge of my seat
Oh when you shake my hand then you say how do you do
I say I’m fine but in my mind I’m screaming “I Love You!”
Oh won’t you know cos’ I won’t show it, I’m far to shy
It don’t seem it but I mean it, I’m not that kind of a guy

My crush
You’re damaging my soul
I’m losing self control
Could someone get a hold of me
My crush I feel misunderstood
Like I never knew I could
But girl
It feels so good
It just feels so good

You’re every wish, I’d do the dishes babe just for you
Till then I’ll dream the I’m dreaming till the day it comes true
Don’t hide your pride, now don’t be shy, one day you’re gonna shine
But I just want you for myself, mine all mine

Oh I love you…

My crush
You’re damaging my soul
I’m losing self control
Could someone get a hold of me
My crush I feel misunderstood
Like I never knew I could
But girl
It fells so good…

It feels so good
And it feels so good

2008-01-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

My favorite company is finally going to be listed. It will be interesting to see how this giant is preparing itself to compete in the roller coaster ride of stock market.

Pertamina may have initial public offering of shares by end of 2008

JAKARTA: Pertamina, Indonesia's state oil company, said it may be ready for an initial public offering by the end of 2008 after weeding out corruption and improving accounting procedures.

The company would have a market value of $30 billion, making it the biggest stock on the Jakarta Stock Exchange, the company's president, Ari Soemarno, said last week. Pertamina hired the consulting firm McKinsey to improve corporate governance and tapped Schlumberger, the world's largest oilfield services provider, to evaluate exploration capabilities, he said.

"Investor appetite would obviously be great as Pertamina still holds monopoly rights," said Andi Nugroho, a fund manager at Cipta Dana Asset Management. "The question is how the management is willing to commit to transparency, a weak area that state-controlled companies typically have."

Pertamina's market value may exceed Telekomunikasi Indonesia's 193.5 trillion rupiah, or $21 billion. The oil company wants to raise money to fund its oil and gas exploration and reverse a drop in output.

Pertamina, which plans to double output in the next four years, forecasts $40 billion of revenue this year.

A share sale has to be decided and approved by the Indonesian government, Soemarno said.

The government, which runs 141 companies, will keep its stake in 50 of them in sectors such as energy, transportation and telecommunications, and sell part of its holdings in the rest, Indonesia's vice president, Jusuf Kalla, said in November.

The Indonesian government in 2003 had planned to sell part of its stake in Pertamina by 2006. The company at that time said it needed more time to prepare for the sale.

"Before an IPO our accounting, financial and corporate governance system has to be proper," Soemarno said yesterday. "We want a transparent system that will create value for the company."

Pertamina asked the government to reduce the amount of dividend taken from the company because the oil producer wants the proceeds to fund exploration, Soemarno said. Last year Pertamina paid about 45 percent of its profit to the government.

Just one week shy of its announcement of rouge trade scandal in SocGen, the company actually spent USD 69k (or is it 34k?) on sports hospitality organised by my company. Well of course such amount is peanuts compared to the amount SocGen lost in rouge trading. How can such scandal goes undetected for so long considering hundreds of experts are inside that Bank. Obviously some one or some people are not doing their job. We'll see whether there's any cancellation coming. Hope not. B will have to forgo his higher bracket if that happens.

The market has been rather interesting to watch lately. Investors scurrying towards the exit as rumors of US economy recessions loom overhead. Asia market has been a sucker when it comes to its dependency of US market. When US plummets, Asia practically spirals in free fall style. I wonder how long this will last. We'll see. We'll see. How come I never take any biz module. At least I won't be so clueless.

Anyway, it has been sometimes since I last blog. I have been under the weather for the past week. Down with flu and cough. Doc said I have slight throat inflammation. Is it because I talk to much? LoL. He gave me the usual cold medicine with an extra dose of drowsiness. Yep, I am in a state of sleepiness throughout the day. Of course I am not working. How to work when I can't even stand up and not feeling light and giddy.

Again, my deals came in when I am not around. How weird can this be? 2 from Telkom (they booked with me twice!!officially my fav company) yesterday afternoon and 1 from Delta Thailand today. My colleagues helped me tied up the loose ends. I negotiated the time and how the form are coming in. R helped me to "remind" them that the form need to be sent in. Probably S or R helped me with the booking. Out of 17, 6 are from me. Thank God for His mercy and grace. The last 3 deals didn't involve any pitching. They just came! See how awesome God is. I mean He is still good no matter what happen. But it is in His grace and mercy that He brings these 3 deals for me. 2 more coming by the end of the week.

The pressure is still on. We need to bring the number to 25 by end of the week. How? I don't know. Honestly, I am clueless. Let's see God works miracles again. Yep, I am in need of some serious miracle.

2008-01-13T00:56:00.000+08:00

An excerpt from Heidi Baker's blog:

Years ago I had a vision of Jesus surrounded by a multitude of children. Jesus looked at me with His intense, burning eyes of love, and I was completely undone. He told me to feed the children, and I began to cry out loud, “No! There are too many!” He asked me to look into His eyes, and He said, “I died that there would always be enough.” Then He reached down and broke a piece of flesh out of His right side. His eyes were so magnificently beautiful, yet His body so bruised and broken. He handed me a piece of His flesh, and as I took it and stretched my hand out to the first child, it became fresh bread! I gave the bread to the children and they all ate. Then He put a simple poor man’s cup next to His side and filled it with blood and water. He told me it was a cup of suffering and joy, and asked me if I would drink it. I drank it and then started to give it to the children. It became drink for them. Again He said, “I died that there would always be enough.” Since that day I have taken in every orphan child He put in front of me, and have asked my co-workers to do the same.

One of the many miracles Jesus did in Mozambique:

"I have been back in Pemba for a while though it seems like more has happened in a few days than a previous year! Miracles are on the increase. Thursday night, when we went to a village in the â€œbush bushâ€ of Cabo Delgado, I called the deaf to come forward after hundreds of people were saved. Finally, Tanya, one of our missionaries, brought a deaf boy to the children and me who was instantly healed. After his mother testified, five more deaf people were brought to me, including a deaf mute, totally out of her mind. Together the children and I laid our hands upon each one. Jesus mercifully and kindly healed them all. The deaf mute was also able to speak, as she was restored to her right mind. The kingdom of God belongs to the children! The village surely is being turned upside down by the love of God. We will be building a church in this very village next week." - Heidi Baker

2008-01-13T00:27:00.000+08:00

I thought I knew
In fact I don't even know a thing!
I felt so small, so tiny.
Yet so blessed coz God loves me, this tiny imperfect creature called kathy.
His presence was so real, so strong that even the hardest heart will be soften.
Even the most notorious sinner will repent.
How sinful I am
How silly I am
Trusting my own way
Being unfaithful
Focusing on things not of God
Yet He said, "those who come to Him I will forgive"
He has forgiven me
He has forgiven you
But How much do I know His love for me?
Trouble comes, worry comes
I feel dejected, defeated
Trusting Him become so hard
so unfruitful so discouraging
But where else I can go?
Outside of Him, there's only destruction
Outside of Jesus, there's nothing worthy
I ask "Lord, why is it so dry, nothing is happening! I thought You said You know I need all these things? I thought You have blessed me with all heavenly blessings?where are they?"
I thank God for His mercy that He didn't struck me down with lightning for being so ungrateful.
I thank God for His longsuffering in teaching me His ways.
I thank God His Words are truth.
He cannot lie He cannot go back on His words.
Somehow I know only Jesus I can hold on to
Even though it is hard at times, I know He is always with me

Today, He showed me the true meaning of prosperity
True prosperity is to have kingdom of God released in our life
When we forgive those who hurt us the deepest, that is when Kingdom of God is established
When we comfort those who are mourning, that is when His kingdom comes
When we love one another as much as we love ourselves, that is the Kingdom of God.
He opened my eyes to Matthew 5:3-12 The beatitude.
I still don't understand.
Heidi Baker illustrated every single verse with a true story
But I still don't understand
Unless one experience how is it like to be poor, hungry, desperate
I will not experience the riches of the poor.
I asked myself, have I ever be truly hungry and desperate?
The answer that came is N.O.
I am not desperate in my working life
I am not desperate in pursuing a relationship
I am not desperate in pursuing academic qualification
I am not even desperate in pursuing God
I am lukewarm towards God
I need God's forgiveness for being lazy and lukewarm
I even don't know how much I need God everyday.
How can God save such a wretched sinner like me
haughty proud know-it-all attitude void of love lazy bad-tempered
Only amazing grace
Only amazing grace
Only Jesus

2008-01-07T20:27:00.000+08:00

How often one has that surging feeling of wanting to hear a particular voice?
I kinda miss him. Really. This time it is for real. We both have our own set of business. We both have our own ministry to serve. I miss his voice. That slurry, non-chalant, bo chap voice. Actually he cares a lot. Just act as if he doesn't. I was too scared to do anything. Why should I?
I felt relieved when me said he has nobody in mind. Then again, can I trust the words that came out of guy's mouth? Take it with a pinch of salt.
Oh well....

2007-12-20T20:38:00.000+08:00

Second Chance

You called my name, reached out your hand,
Restored my life, and I was redeemed,
The moment you entered my life,
Amazing grace, Christ gave that day,
My life was changed,
Went from my shoulders, fell the weight of my sin

So it's with everything I am,
I reach out for your hand,
The hope that changed a second chance I've gained,
On you I throw my life, casting all my fears aside,
How could greater love then this, ever possibly exist

Consume my thoughts, as I rest in you,
I'm now in love, with a Saviour,
Bearing the marks of his love

So I wait upon you now,
With my hands released to you,
Where a little faiths enough,
To see mountains lifted move,
Yeah and I wait upon you now,
Dedicated to your will,
To this love that will remain,
A love that never fails

2007-12-17T20:38:00.000+08:00

fren: Expect a lil' surprise gift this holiday season!!
me: huh? what you mean?
fren: you know what I mean.. "wink and grinz"
me: o_O?? you told him is it? ???
fren: no...i didn't say anything!
me: what do you mean by expecting ?
fren: i am just saying!
me: oh well, i don't think so. His interest level is undetected.
fren: how you know??
me: woman's intuition.

I guess I'll just prepare myself a special gift. Rather than hoping others to give, might as well I'll be the giver. Somehow, it makes me happier to see people receive something they like. Guess what I got from company xmas party? A box of herbal tea. Brand: ballerina. How creative. -_-''
Oh well, I guess tea is categorized as something "sweet" for the mysterious giver. Must be a guy!! Again, I can have the most positive expectation for everything else. But for human, expectation equals to disappointment. That's just human nature. Tend to disappoint people. Like most of my clients. Urrgh!

2007-12-12T23:26:00.000+08:00

Remember the true meaning of christmas. Amidst the snowmen, reindeer, santa, christmas tree, often we forgot how commercialized christmas has been. Remember the Almighty God who came down to become one tiny baby. He who commands legions of angels and everything in this universe, became a helpless little baby who were totally depended on HIs earthly parents. Remember why he came down. Remember how humble our Mighty God. Remember John 3:16. Just a second, stop and think of why we even have christmas day.

We are the reason - Avalone

As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love

I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

He is my reason to live

2007-12-12T20:09:00.000+08:00

James Blunt - Same Mistake

So while I'm turning in my sheets
And once again, I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street
Look at the stars beneath my feet
Remember rights that I did wrong
So here I go

Hello, hello

There is no place I cannot go
My mind is muddy but
My heart is heavy, does it show
I lose the track that loses me
So here I go

And so I sent some men to fight,
And one came back at dead of night,
said "Have you seen my enemy?"
said "he looked just like me"
So I set out to cut myself
And here I go

I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice,
Give me reason, but don't give me choice,
Cos I'll just make the same mistake again,

And maybe someday we will meet
And maybe talk and not just speak
Don't buy the promises 'cause
There are no promises I keep,
and my reflection troubles me
so here I go

I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice,
Give me reason, but don't give me choice,
Cos I'll just make the same mistake again

So while I'm turning in my sheets
And once again, I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street
Look at the stars
Look at the stars, falling down,
And I wonder where, did I go wrong.

2007-12-09T23:29:00.000+08:00

Met up with KY today. As usual, conversation with him always steers towards scientific issues. Well, he is very intelligent. Hmm...making this statement feels like I'm just stating the obvious. Okay. He is really intelligent. We talked about how nature seems to have implemented inherent system or "value" in living organisms. Many will think that only human are capable of "thinking" or exhibiting values such as family values, survival tactics, or even choosing the "best" when it comes to life partner (in present society, it is merely partner for NOW). It is really a long story. I don't feel like repeating them here. So in conclusion, animals generally have sexual dimorphism in which male and female have different features. Underlying reason would be to be shown to the opposite sex that they are the fittest, strongest, healthiest and the one that will ensure survival of their line.

According to KY, everything is done for a reason i.e. selfishness for the sake of survival. Even genes within our body switch on and off for a purpose. In short, they have their own agenda and sometimes these come into conflict. Whoever the strongest will be the one who determine whether this allele is to be switched on or off. For the benefit of non life science/bio student, allele means a copy of the same gene. E.g Gene for eye color may have more than one copy. For brown eyes, there maybe gene b and gene B. Both gene b and B are alleles. Don't understand? Go Wikipedia. or ask KY.

So anyway, it got me thinking. Why there's such thing? Why such observation? Why such selfishness? On the way back, I was listening to colin dye's message. He mentioned something. Selfishness is part of this corrupted world. Adam and Eve sinned and they brought the entire world into corruption. That make sense. Why would God create a world that is so full of selfishness and only care about their own self? God didn't create a selfish world. It was good before the fall. Sin was and still is the cause.

As I listened to his story on how the entire process of mate selection in cats, mammals, orchids one thing really amazed me. The entire process seemed so random and seem to happen by chance. The world says, there may be a force who is putting all these things into work. I agree. This force is God who is actively working in this world. I can't help but be amazed with all the intricate details that point to God. It's not hard to detect. It's whether we want to see it or not.
Looking around, it seems that the society is getting more and more tolerance to values that used to be taboo to it. Is it a good direction to head to?Some will say it is good. For the sake of progress, people need to be open and accept changes that are coming their way.

Does these acceptance involve compromising the basic value of society? Are we compromising for the sake of appeasement of certain group of people?Even that would mean compromising the moral value of this society? What will happen when one decide to put aside these moral values and adopt views that seem to be more tolerant towards issues like homosexuality, single parent family, abortion and other morally controversial issues? Sometimes we think that decisions made today will only affect those who are here today. What about the next generation? Do we want to see the young condoning pre-marital sex, abortion and whole lot of other junks that probably will ruin their life for good? I'm not being judgmental towards people who are doing these/this. Just want to point out that no matter how unimportant it seems a decision made, that decision will still affect those around us. As human, we have free will, but use it responsibly, not willfully.

I guess it all boils down to what are the basic value one is holding on to. Is this why Lord says Christians are suppose to be the light and salt of the world? To show the way and preserve. But, are we doing it? Are we living like what Jesus commanded us?
Colin said something very true. If we can't differentiate believers from non-believers. We have a problem here. A serious one.

Previous night, I met up with the girls and head to MOS after sumptuous dinner at cafe cartell. The place was packed to the roof! Lots of young people around. Not that I'm old but at least older than most of them. So we met up with 2 other guys. Well, basically we danced, drank and chatted a bit. That place was a horrendous place for conversation. I practically have to shout to make myself audible to the other party. Dancing was rather fun although we have to squish with strangers for space to stand.
It was like some movie scene.
gy: hey it has been sometimes since we danced (grins)
gl: yeah. I haven't club for sometimes (kinda awkward and only manage to come up with this answer)
gy: you sure you want to stay here? it is so crowded!
gl: i guess so. the girls want to stay here. We were trying to save her but don't know whether she wants or not! (laugh. still feeling awkward)
The rest of conversation were lost in the process of recollection. Coz the only thing gl remembered was dancing with gy while they danced very closely. literaly. She was surprised by the closeness too! It must be the alcohol and the music and the lightings. people tend to get a bit physical under such circumstances. gy was very "generous" in that. oh well. Before we parted ways, gl did something that was quite "dots" in her opinion. Seriously don't know what she was thinking. No more partying and drinking when gy is around.
For the record, nothing is happening. Nothing going to happen. The past and all its feeling stay in the past.
Hmm..I started to think what KY said on women's monthly cycle is quite accurate.

2007-12-01T22:15:00.000+08:00

Sigh..The neighbor is punishing her kids...again. He was screaming at the top of his lung while the mother punished him. Oh well, why can't they learn? Knowing well the mother will beat him up, he still tries to stretch her patience. And I have to sit here and endure the screaming.
People are either inconsiderate or simply oblivious of their surrounding. Don't they know every single thing one do has a definite effect on people around them. Unless one lives in a cave, there's no way one could escape affecting others by one's own action. Here they go again. Scream and scream and now the sound of beating. How come the father never say anything?
Feeling rather jaded lately. Seems like it's such a drag to speak to people after talking so much during work. Urghh,,,cant they just SHUT UP!!It's getting on my nerves!! What's with parents who can't think of other way of teaching their kids other than beating them up into a pulp?
Anyway, One of my colleague quit last Thursday. She finally decided to move on after 1 year in the "school". So on Friday, she came to have lunch with some of us. Coincidentally, the headmistress called in sick. Some of the teachers have to teach the new students. So we, the old ones, are left on our own.
It was Friday and we decided to have a longer break. Walked into the office, I was greeted by our only male teacher with really loud "comments". Basically, he said that I took such a looonnggg break. He rattled on and I decided to smile and say nothing. As expected he rattled on and on, repeating over and over again that we took such a looooonnnggg break. Urgh! Why pick on me? Then, he moved on picking on another girl who went for a break too. I guess, that girl and I seemed like an easy target for bullying. Well, I don't care.
Okay, we took much longer break than usual. It was our fault and for his information, we knew it. Well, I guess he just have to be the deputy discipline master at times.
Lunch time, we went to have lunch with an ex-colleague. The entire "class" went to have really yummy korean food near china square. Knowing well that there's no government around, we decided to stay a bit longer. Left the place at 2pm, which effectively made us 10 minutes late! Someone sms-ed that the big boss is in the office! So we rushed back to the office. Someone decided to lock us out, stuck a paper saying "You are late" and off the light. Well, no prize for guessing who was the mastermind. On the way to the loo, I bumped into the male teacher and he decided to rattle on the fact that we are too much, pushing the boundaries, etc etc. Okay whatever.
Yes, we broke the rules. We were late. If the headmistress asked me what happen, I will stand up and acknowledge that I was in the wrong for being late. For their information, I always arrived early in the morning!
Sometimes, I feel that certain things are simply ridiculous. This is not a school and we are not kids. Why are we being treated like some kind of school kids? Punishment for being late even if it's only 1 minute.
Oh well, nothing is perfect anyway. But seriously, the company need to give more benefits to its employee if they want higher retention rate. Recruiting, training, released to the sales floor, and usually the next step for many would be moving on to other company. It's like a never ending vicious cycle. If they don't review the system, many more good hardworking sales people will be lost. Oops, they HAVE lost many good sales people. I guess they simply don't care. And do you want to know the irony?
We are selling an event of sales force management that also deals with sales force retention. How do you teach other on the method in sales force management when you yourselves are no expert in it. No, not even intermediate level. The headmistress and the big boss should attend this event. Seriously.
Finally, the neighbor is done punishing her kids. Peace and quiet on earth.

new phrase learnt:
shameless but professional begging : chasing clients for payment

2007-11-30T23:46:00.000+08:00

KHARTOUM, Sudan (CNN) -- Hundreds of protesters brandishing swords and sticks gathered outside Khartoum's presidential palace Friday to vent their anger against a British teacher jailed for allowing children to name a teddy bear "Mohammed."

An undated amateur photo of Gillian Gibbons, who has been found guilty of insulting religion.

About 600 Islamic demonstrators piled out of mosques, chanting: "By soul, by blood, I will fight for the Prophet Mohammed." Some of the protesters demanded the teacher's execution, according to The Associated Press.

The agency reports that some chanted: "No tolerance: Execution," and "Kill her, kill her by firing squad."

The decision by a Sudanese court to jail Gillian Gibbons late Thursday was widely criticized outside Sudan as too harsh, with British Foreign Secretary David Miliband saying he was "extremely disappointed" the charges were not dismissed.

Abdul-Jalil Nazeer al-Karouri, a prominent cleric and hardliner, told worshippers Friday at the Martyrs Mosque: "Imprisoning this lady does not satisfy the thirst of Muslims in Sudan. But we welcome imprisonment and expulsion," according to AP. But he did not urge worshippers to protest.

In leaflets distributed earlier this week by Muslim groups and seen by CNN, the protesters promised a "popular release of anger" at demonstrations called for Friday.

The leaflets condemned Gibbons as an "infidel" and accused her of "the pollution of children's mentality" by her actions.

The teacher was convicted of insulting religion but cleared of two other charges of inciting hatred and showing contempt for religious beliefs, Ali Ajeb, her lawyer said. Watch latest developments in the case

Ajeb said they were planning to appeal the sentence, which runs from the date she was first detained, November 25.

Gibbons, 54, is being held in a woman's prison in the Omdurman district of Khartoum and she will be deported at the end of her prison term, British consular officials in the city told CNN.

Embassy staff said they were giving the teacher, from the northern English city of Liverpool, full consular assistance. Watch a report on reactions to the verdict »

Omer Mohammed Ahmed Siddig, the Sudanese ambassador to Britain, was summoned for a second time to meet with the British foreign secretary late Thursday after the court's ruling.

Miliband also spoke to the Sudanese acting foreign minister for 15 minutes on the telephone during the meeting, the British Foreign Office said.

"Our priority now is to ensure Ms. Gibbons' welfare and we will continue to provide consular assistance to her," Miliband said in a statement.

The Foreign Office said there would be further talks with the Sudanese government Friday.

Gibbons was arrested Sunday after she asked her class of seven-year-olds in Khartoum to name the toy as part of a school project, the Foreign Office said.

She had faced charges under Article 125 of Sudan's constitution, the law relating to insulting religion and inciting hatred.

She could have faced a sentence of 40 lashes, a fine or jail term of up to a year, according to the Foreign Office, which expressed Britain's dissatisfaction with the verdict.

British newspapers condemned Gibbons' conviction, with The Daily Telegraph calling for the recall of the British ambassador from Khartoum and sanctions against the heads of the Sudanese government.

In an editorial the tabloid newspaper, The Sun, said Gibbons' jailing was a "grotesque insult to Islam" and called Gibbons "an innocent abroad."

Four vans filled with riot police were stationed outside the courthouse at Thursday's hearing, but there were no signs of street disturbances or protests.

Staff from Gibbons' school, including Robert Boulos, the head of Unity High School, were present.

Boulos said he was "horrified" when he found out it was a member of his own staff who complained, not a parent as originally thought.

Defense counsel later confirmed that the complaint came from Sarah Khawad, a secretary at the school.

Gibbons has been working at the school -- popular with wealthy Sudanese and expatriates -- since August, after leaving her position as deputy head teacher at a primary school in Liverpool this summer, Boulos said.

He said Gibbons asked the children to pick their favorite name for the new class mascot, which she was using to aid lessons about animals and their habitats. E-mail to a friend

Basically, the story goes like this:

Gibbons, 54, was convicted for inciting religious hatred Thursday because she let her students name the cuddly toy Muhammad, which also happens to be the name of the Muslims' revered prophet. The offended believe Gibbons' intentionally slighted the prophet by greenlighting the name. She was sentenced to deportation and 15 days in jail for her "crime."

Gibbons' boss at the posh school thinks the verdict was fair because she could have gotten a half a year in the slammer and 40 stinging lashes.

Huh!?! 0_o?
So if I name my huge furry dog soft toy muhammad, I'll be charged with insulting religion and inciting hatred? I simply don't understand!Sometimes I wonder what has this world turn into.
I mean, look at it this way. It is just a teacher trying to teach here. Why not charge the child who named the teddy bear Muhammad? Why the teacher? Why such busy body colleague?
Why such incredulous story?

2007-11-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've decided to get a hair cut. Well, it's not super fantastic. In fact, I still love my previous hair cut. As usual, the stylist will ask me whether my thin fine hair is hereditary. Yes it is. And Yes I have problem with hair dropping as and when they like. Don't ask me why. Ask my DNA. As long as they grow back, i'm fine with a couple of hair dropping here and there.

Church service was amazing! The guest preacher was preaching something that I seldom hear in NCC - that God does chastised and discipline His children!! Proverbs says so. Paul said so. Ok I admit. In my heart, I was like "preach it pastor!Many need to know this" LoL

The message is a wake up call for me. Seriously, I need to make the decision of moving from my current position to something more. I need to make the decision to be planted in this church. Not merely hanging by the fringes, no commitment and move on whenever I like it. This is my bad habit. When I was in LSM Cg, my excuse was "I'll be active once I move on to working adult cg". After I reluctantly join (after much persuasion from Mark), and saw the huge group, another excuse came up. " The group is too big! How to be a cg with 50 ppl in this cg? Should I wait till it multiply before becoming active?" Because of these excuses, I haven't attend subsequent cgs after that first meeting. Besides, the place is sooooo far away!! And I am so tired after work. Yep, that's another excuse from me.
Somehow, I always sabotage my chance of being planted in this church. I am suppose to start serving in children ministry weeks ago. But, I delayed and delayed and delayed. More excuses came up. Sigh. bad habits and laziness!!!!Help Jesus! Forgive me!!
This coming sunday is going to be my first time serving in children ministry. I pray God keep me away from my own laziness, excuses and more excuses. I pray that I will make up my mind to serve Him. It's what I should do! Funny, I still try to reason myself out. Thank God You are so patient with me. Thank God You do not give up on me.

Start of a new week
Start of a new day
What it holds
I will not know
But my God has gone before me
To prepare all things
that will work together for good
for those who loves Him
and according to His purpose
Daddy says

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

So I will praise You Daddy
I will give You glory
I will give You praise
despite my circumstances
despite what others says
I will praise You
for You are worthy
for You are Living God!

2007-11-15T23:32:00.000+08:00

Just had a really good chat with Mr ong on the phone. We spoke from 720 till 9 plus! Wow! Long conversation. I'm glad I called him today. He is my mentor/elder whom I know I can turn to for advices or even just simple sharing of things that happen throughout the week. Thank God for putting mr ong as my mentor. Thank God for his life experiences!!

Certain things he said are very true. Every single decision we make, no matter how insignificant they are, somehow or another, will have effects on the rest of our life. Previously, I was given 2 choices. Decisions lie on me. A or B. Left or Right. She or He? I have to make A decision. So I have and things start to unfold. Subsequent events happen based on that simple decision I made. Is that why they call it Chain of events? In conclusion, I am glad I made that decision. A fallen world that we live in. An imperfect situation we'll always be in. Imperfect person i will be. Until Jesus comes again and we will be glorified with new body.

Thinking back, what if I decided to stick with him? Will we finally be together? Will I be able to like him as much as I did then? I never know. Again, I am glad I made the decision to move on. He is too immature and I was too afraid.

It is really not the time to think of such thing. I don't think I am brave enough to take that step. Maybe that's why i keep saying that the guy should go after me. Not the other way round. Scared of rejection, that is. Odd eh? I have been getting hundreds of rejections and I am still scared of one. n_n Besides, which girl doesn't like to be wooed "wink"

"iron sharpens Iron." I have been hearing a lot of this phrase. I wonder what it means to me?

2007-11-15T23:22:00.000+08:00

Wish List!!!
1. Hillsong - All the above CD
2. Pastor prince's messages on Righteousness!! PLUS Pastor Lian and Pastor Joshua's series on righteousness.
3. A new bible (Amplified or NLT Translation) My bible is dog-eared!! sobz =_='
4. A new study bible or commentaries.
5. New books!! (title to be confirmed)
6. Tiramisu
7. A new pair of shoes/heels
8. Lip balm or lip glaze
9. Good night sleep
10. A break
11. A break
12. A BREAK
13. good night chat with old friends
14. a special christmas

2007-11-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

The rich man and Lazarus

There was a certain rich man who [habitually] clothed himself in purple and fine linen and reveled and feasted and made merry in splendor every day.

And at his gate there was [carelessly] dropped down and left a certain utterly destitute man named Lazarus, [reduced to begging alms and] covered with [ulcerated] sores.

He [eagerly] desired to be satisfied with what fell from the rich man's table; moreover, the dogs even came and licked his sores.

And it occurred that the man [reduced to] begging died and was carried by the angels to Abraham's bosom. The rich man also died and was buried.

And in Hades (the realm of the dead), being in torment, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham far away, and Lazarus in his bosom.

And he cried out and said, Father Abraham, have pity and mercy on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am in anguish in this flame.

But Abraham said, Child, remember that you in your lifetime fully received [what is due you in] comforts and delights, and Lazarus in like manner the discomforts and distresses; but now he is comforted here and you are in anguish.

And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, in order that those who want to pass from this [place] to you may not be able, and no one may pass from there to us.

And [the man] said, Then, father, I beseech you to send him to my father's house--

For I have five brothers--so that he may give [solemn] testimony and warn them, lest they too come into this place of torment.

But Abraham said, They have Moses and the Prophets; let them hear and listen to them

But he answered, No, father Abraham, but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent (^[q]change their minds for the better and heartily amend their ways, with abhorrence of their past sins).

He said to him, If they do not hear and listen to Moses and the Prophets, neither will they be persuaded and convinced and believe [even] if someone should rise from the dead.

This is an interesting parable by Jesus. Well, reading the 1st half of the story, many will think "ah, how wonderful it is if I am like the rich man". Well, read on. Although the rich man was practically oozes with riches, he didn't have something that the poor man has. The rich man didn't have a name. Jesus rarely give name to the character in His parable. Guess what, He gave the poor man the name Lazarus! Amazing how people just glazed through the parable and didn't notice the special position Lazarus has compare to the rich man! I don't know about you. I certainly did! Twice, I read the same parable, twice I completely missed out that Lazarus has a name and the rich man was simply called the rich man.

Well, think about the name. You only give a name if you are known to somebody. To be acknowledge by a name showed that the person has a certain value or importance. The fact that Jesus gave a specific name to the character (which is very unusual) showed that Lazarus has a very special place is His heart. In short, He knows Lazarus and vice versa. Lazarus, despite being poor and tormented while he was alive, known by the Mighty God Himself!! Lazarus, who was poor, a beggar and hopelessly sick, was of certain value and importance to Jesus! The rich man maybe rich and well-known to the people of his time. He maybe on the main page of the newspaper of his society. But, he is not known to God.

Furthermore, the name Lazarus has a significant meaning. Lazarus in hebrew is Eliazar, which means he whom God helps. This is the man whom God cared for and helped. This man despite his circumstances, has a relationship with God, known by God, and has his sins forgiven by God. Lazarus did not wallow in self pity and blamed God for his circumstances. If he has, the Holy Spirit would have recorded it down!!He recorded down David's sexual sin, and Jacob's craftiness, and Saul's persecution on Christians and many other "unholy acts" of bible character. Why wouldn't Holy Spirit record it down IF Lazarus did ever blame God for his circumstances.

If you are given a choice, would you want to be Lazarus, poor but known by mighty God and has a special place in His heart or the rich man - rich beyond measure but unknown to God?
What is your status now? Known by God personally and cared by Him? or unknown to Him and on the way to eternal hell?

The choice is there to make. We are all sinners. It is hereditary disease passed down from Adam. No good works can ever compensate all the sins we have committed. Only Jesus can forgive our sins and bring us from death to life. He is the only option if you don't want to bear the consequences of your sins.

God is not cruel to create hell and throw people into eternal condemnation. Hell was created for Lucifer and his fallen angels. Never it was created for men!! People go to hell because of sins! (Ask Adam and Eve what happen) God is merciful to provide a way out that is by believing in Jesus Christ as God and Saviour. The choice is yours. Make it now!!

I pray that you will come to know the love of God for you and come to Him for forgiveness of sins. When you do, He is faithful and just not to judge or condemn you because His beloved Son Jesus Christ, has taken all your sins and took your place to be punished. The fact that Jesus was raised on the third day from the grave is like an invoice to the "payment" made on the cross, stating, everything has been paid for!! May grace and peace of God be with you always. Amen

2007-11-09T00:10:00.002+08:00

Updates on Pertamina client.
I sent him an email and guess what, he decided to tell me due to whatever reason, he and his colleague decided NOT to come. Oh well, my manager asked me why? How would I know?!They decided not to come. Personally, I won't even bother to ask him why. Let him be and let him work in peace. Why have to be so pushy? Move on. Next client.
Thank God for the 6 emails I sent out on thursday. Lesser than what I suppose to send. But then again, the KPI seem to be based on no of phone call I've made. So far I have made ave 110 phone calls per day.
Boss gives me a new event to sell. Another Indonesian event. Seems good and interesting. I am used to handling one event at a time. Now I have two events. Don't know whether should juggle the two for 2 weeks or focus on project management till next week.
There's a distraction at work. lol. He has a twin brother! No time for such thing. Time to concentrate on my spiritual growth and work.

2007-11-09T00:10:00.001+08:00

One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus

One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus

I'm only human,  I'm just a woman
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am
Show me the stairway,  I have to climb
Lord for my sake,  teach me to take
One day at a time

cho: One day at a time sweet Jesus
    That's all I'm asking from you
    Just give me the strength
    To do everyday what I have to do
    Yesterdays gone sweet Jesus
    And tomorrow may never be mine
    Lord help me today, show me the way
    One day at a time

Do you remember, when you walked among men
Well Jesus you know if you're looking below
It's worse now, than then
Cheating and stealing,  violence and crime
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time

2007-11-06T22:52:00.000+08:00

I really miss that time of wandering around in botanical garden with only camera and a bottle of water in my bag (with wallet and hp of coz). Looking at photos posted by friends and stranger alike, I realised how much I missed the time when hall camera is still under my full utilization. I wonder why I didn't join photo comm in year one. When am I going to get my first DSLR?? I want to take photo!!!!!!!!

Pertamina, faster come in with the registration form. Why must these people drag on and on. You are annoyed, so am I. You think I like calling you everyday? I have other people to call and believe me when I say, it is either you settle this once and for all or I will continue to "remind" you of the pending registration. How hard it is to write down your name and your colleagues' name on that piece of paper? How hard it is to sign it and bring it over to fax machine and press the freaking number and send it over to me? the most you will take is 15 mins! Some people just don't get it. Oh well. Just doing my job here. Oh another thing, I would rather you say no to me than say "i have forward it to my supervisor for approval but no response." Yeah right. How hard is it to say no? I am not some fragile vase that can't take rejection. I am even stronger than all of you. >XO
Patience......be patient...patience is a virtue.
.......................p.....a......t.....i.....e.....n.....t...............................
whatever the spelling is.....

2007-11-04T21:38:00.000+08:00

Still adapting to working life
Still comprehending the expectation of people around me
Still amused by the shrewdness of human mind
Still coping
Still grasping
Still learning

Once in a while, a tinge of discomfort passes by
Don't know why it is there
Don't know what am i afraid of
Is it the calls that I have to make everyday?
Is it the daunting expectation of closing deals?
Is it the entire concept of sales itself?
Or is it my selfish desire of doing what I want rather than fulfilling what God has given to me?

The more I dwell in these, the more confused I am.
I know what to say, or rather the pattern of every single conversation.
What is there to fear when the Lord is with me?
What is there to worry when He has already meet my target everyday.
What's with the fear when the life of God is in me
Producing that supernatural results that only God Himself is responsible.

Feeling is a double edge swords
You'll never know when it will cut you into pieces
"Well, giving in to the flesh once in a while is no big deal"
Yeah right. It's like slippery slope. You are well on the way to the pit.

Despite how I feel, I know I need to be faithful in this job
I know my feeling tends to be disproportionately blown up.
I know i cannot give in to this feeling of just wanting to do "what I feel like doing"
I need to grow up.
And I need God in my situation
I need God to change my bad habits.

2007-11-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

称义（Justified）

祢只一次把自己献上
忍受了十字架的苦难
就永永远远除去我的罪
现现在因蒙主祢的恩典
因祢完全荣耀的赦免
在祢面前我得祢为义
主耶稣我因祢的宝血
得以担然进入侄圣所
在祢面前跪下敬拜
至高赞美全归祢
至高荣耀属于祢
祢是万王之王
万主之主
谁可以相比
我要高声赞美祢
举手敬仰称颂祢
在祢跟前献上感恩敬拜祢

2007-11-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it's not how much I do, it's not how good I am, it's not how obedient I am. When I did fail, I feel horrible. Feeling is a dangerous thing here. Dwell in it long enough, people will just fall into pit of depression. I am not kidding. Jesus died for me. On my behalf, He took my punishments for my own sins and declared, "Kathy you are forgiven of your sins! Completely, totally, entirely!! You are a new creation in Me!You are my beloved daughter." Sometimes, I find myself not able to forgive myself for every single failing I have in my walk with God. I began to understand when Paul said "All have fall short of glory of God." Thank God, He delights in me. He loves me. He has forgiven all my sins. So why still torment myself for being imperfect?

Jesus said, "Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness." His kingdom is a matter of righteousness, peace and joy in the presence of Holy Spirit. Righteousness is from the Lord Jesus Christ. He is our righteousness. How? The divine exchange took place on the cross. He who is sinless became sin itself and suffered the wrath of God so that we can have His righteousness!!So that we don;t need to suffer the consequences of our sinful nature.
Believing and confessing that I am the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ is seeking His righteousness. Faith in Him, giving glory to God, have good opinion of God, that is seeking His righteousness. When we know and fully persuaded that we are the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ, peace and joy will reign in our life. Today, I have forgotten all about this.

I have sinned. Small or big, it is still sin. Honestly, I feel really horrible inside. It's like I have let Daddy down. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have been so willful. How silly I am to forget that God has forgiven all my sins! Past present and future! How forgetful I am! When DAddy sees me, He sees the righteousness that is of Jesus, His beloved Son. If God has forgiven all my sins, why can't I forgive myself? Why must I continue to condemn myself? That is disrespectful towards what Jesus has done for me!!

How small and weak I am. I am nothing without you Lord. Humbly I come before you. Crying out for help and forgiveness. Sometimes, my prayer is simply "Jesus help". You answered me right there and then. Enveloping me with your great love. Indeed, You hear the cry of Your people. You never leave me nor forsake me. You have uphold me with Your mighty right Hand. You have said that You will be my help in times of need. You are my Rock of Salvation. In You I rest. Thank You. I give praise to You. All knees shall bow and all mouth shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and Saviour!!

Is this how many people feeling right now? Afraid to face the condemnation and guilt in their conscience, they simple put them aside. Wishing and hoping all these guilt and condemnation will disappear. Guess what, they won't. They will continue to torment your conscience. So bad that some fall into depression. Some simply ignore it until they start reflecting on their life. Well, here's the good news. God no longer angry with you. Jesus has taken your share of punishment on the cross. He has exchange all your guilt and condemnation with His peace, joy and life in Christ Jesus. It's up to you to make the decision. Continue to hold on to your old self and die in your sins. Or, choose Jesus and come to Him for forgiveness. He said, ask and it shall be given to you. He said, whosoever call unto the Lord will be delivered!Call unto Him now! Before it's too late

Not by might nor by power but by My Spirit - says the Lord

2007-10-13T13:13:00.000+08:00

Some of the quote I found in Forbes Asia.

"Eve and the apple was the first great step in experimental science - James Birdie"
and look where is landed humanity - in sins and hopelessness.

"Scientists oftimes have the greatest faith in a higher power. The more they dig into, establish facts and figures, the more they marvel at the mystery of it all - malcom s forbes"
well, marvel is another thing. Giving God the glory of all these mystery that "they found" out is the important thing. Somehow, humanity just refuse to acknowledge the Mighty God Creator.

"As marvelous as the stars is the mind of the person who studies them - Martin Luther King"

"Let there be many windows to your soul, Not the narrow pane. Of one poor creed can catch the radiant rays that shine from countless sources. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox"

"The true definition of science is this: the study of the beauty of the world - Simone Weil"
Why not study the beauty of Saviour Lord Jesus who has died for humanity on the cross.

"Prove all things, hold fast that which is good - 1 Thessalonians 5:21"

"Why do you say I am good?There is no one that is good but God - Mark 10:18"

"Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who trust in him! - Psalm 34:8"

"For the LORD is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation. - Psalm 100:5"

2007-10-10T19:23:00.000+08:00

Spider Webs

By Jennifer E. Jones
CBN.com Producer

CBN.com -- Recently I caught up with a friend whom I hadn't seen in weeks. She's the kind of person who always has something interesting going on, and over lunch she shared all the amazing events that happened to her over the summer.

I certainly didn’t envy her, because a lot of those things were difficult to go through. However, she had a grand tale to tell nonetheless.

At one point, she said, “If they made a movie out of my life, I think it would be action/adventure. What about you?”

I thought for a moment, then said, “My life is more like one of those 18th century English novels that they make you read in high school. Sure, it will be revered as a classic one day, but for the most part, it's long, boring and there are huge chunks where nothing is going on.”

As soon as I said it, I regretted it. I’ve grown a bit more sensitive to the Lord lately, and I felt like it was taking a cheap shot at His handiwork. During a quiet moment on the car ride back, I prayed, I’m sorry, Lord. I know You’re working in my life, and You’ve got a plan. It’s just that sometimes You’re a little… well, slow.

You understand what I meant, right? There are seasons in your life where you’re in a holding pattern. Every day looks dreadfully like the last one. You wake up one morning and find you’re still in the same house, with the same job, doing the same old things. Your friends moved on, got married, had babies, etc., and you’re still eating Chinese take-out and watching Lifetime TV on Friday nights. You’ve got faith that God has a brighter future for you, but for right now, you’re stuck in a rut.

I certainly felt that way. However, the next day I noticed something interesting that changed my perspective.

Lately, the spiders in my neighborhood have gotten out of control. First of all, they’re the size of silver dollars, and they’re everywhere! Just in time for Halloween, I suppose. You don’t see them much during the day, but they’re often hanging out at night and in the wee hours of the morning. Frankly, they creep me out.

One morning I was walking my dog and noticed the increase of spider webs along my block. It seemed like out of nowhere these things just popped up. And that wouldn’t be strange normally, but I’m not talking about a little string dangling from a corner. I’m talking about huge, elaborate webs that stretch between trees. They’re massive as though they’re out of a movie. I thought, Who has time to build something like this? I mean, I know they don’t have jobs, but come on! I never see these spiders move, and over night, they’ve taken over.

I felt the Lord say, Yes, it’s interesting what can be accomplished in the midnight hours.

Of course! While we are all sleeping, these guys are slowly weaving their homes. Strand by strand, these little web-slingers work diligently even though we never see it. It’s no wonder they are part of God’s creation.

I praise you, LORD,
for being my guide.
Even in the darkest night,
your teachings fill my mind.
- Psalm 16:7 (CEV)

You see where I’m going with this, because you may also be in your midnight hour. You’ve been at work when no one else noticed, building up your faith in the dark. It doesn’t look like you’ve got anything – certainly not anything sturdy enough to hang on to. However, God wants you to keep working. Keep praying. Keep believing. Keep speaking those things that are not as though they were (Romans 4:17).

Dawn is coming, and when the sun hits the dew on your web just right, you’ll see a beautiful masterpiece in the morning light. People will stop and stare in amazement. They will marvel at what faith created and be encouraged by all that can be done in the darkness.

I feel like sending an email to the author that I truly identify with her situation! Well, put it this way, by nature I am impatient. I want to see results right away. No matter how often I tell myself to take it step by step, I always want to leap from step 1 to step 10.
Well, my work progress has been rather...slow. The deal that suppose to come in on monday didn't come. Conformation given by the boss through secretary but without signature. It is not a deal if there is no signature. The guy is currently out of office and the irony is he is in Singapore!! But I can't reach him. Well, no choice but have to wait. From monday onwards until today, I've witnessed my friends getting deals after deals. GC got 2 yesterday and today. Alice has gotten 8 deals!! She is the same batch as me. Pol got 1 deal today. And I am still waiting for my first deal. Am I feeling envious? I will be a liar if I say no. I was asking Daddy God when is my first deal coming. Only rejections after rejections came. Oh well. Clashed schedule is the main reason. Some said they are not interested. See, I am trying to leap to step 11 while my step 1 is still shaky. MK asked me whether I feel pressured or not. I told him of course there will be pressure. Thank God he offered some encouragement, which I am very grateful of. He still asked me to change team. Must stick to my initial decision. Well, that's another story.
Just like the author said, same pattern of work, same things to do - phone calls, pitchings, phone research, emails, lunch and the same thing all over again. Don't get me wrong. The job is interesting! I spoke to many different type of people. The higher their position is, the more meetings they are attending. Catching them for 5 minutes only is such a pain. I spoke briefly with a dep MD of Msian listed company. Big guy with very firm voice. He rejected me anyway. Then, I spoke to many pleasant directors from Indonesia. A few more GMs and VPs and even more managers aka tea boys/girls. Well, of course there are some mean ones who end the conversation in a very rude manner.
Thank God he helped me meet my target everyday. If I choose to see the negative sides only, I would be super depressed and frustrated by now. God said in the bible, " things that are seen are temporal but things that are unseen are eternal." These rejections are temporal. They will be my stepping stones to success. They will be my "bread" in the good fight of faith. Sometimes it is hard to even muster up whatever faith that is left within me to trust God for breakthrough. Sometimes I am too tired to even try to convince myself that God is working in my life. Well, God seems to be ... slow. God reminded me again and again all He has spoken through the prophets and apostles in the bible. He has a future for me, a plan to prosper me and not to put me to shame. All things will work together for good for those who love Him and according to His purpose. He is alive and live in me. The One in me is greater than the one ruling this world. If He is for me who can be against me! Daddy God never leave me nor forsake me. Reasoning cause even more confusions. Hard as it is, I will be patient and persevere in this situation.
Remember the walls of Jericho? Nation of Israel under leadership of Joshua was walking around the wall EVERYDAY. Imagine doing it for 7 days!!

"March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams' horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have all the people give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the people will go up, every man straight in."

By the way, the wall and the city are not small. It suppose to encircle the entire city!
Cut the story short, I relate to this experience of walking in circle, doing the same thing and seeing no result. But I believe the breakthrough will come. The wall of jericho will come tumbling down and the Lord will bring my salvation!!

I remembered a preacher once jokingly said, "don't pray for patience lightly coz usually after praying for patience, you will be tested coz patience only can be used in times of trying." Oh well, do I regret praying for patience? Nope. I will wait and continue to do the things I suppose to do even that means I only got 4 hours of sleep everyday.

I am also enduring VERY PATIENTLY as my neighbours kids decided to treat their house as battle ground. Yes, with their mom shouting at them almost every night. Daddy God, I need patience so i won't shout at them too.

2007-10-05T20:40:00.000+08:00

Scanned through all the thank you notes posted by fellow CG members, I can't help but felt urged to type one of my own. As my fingers rested on the keyboard, I was clueless on what to put in the content. Blank. Not knowing what to write.
Well, to be honest. I am detached from the CG. They wrote about how they found true security, friendship and shelter amidst the people. Yes, that is very true. But what if the connection is not there? I admit I didn't make the effort to blend in with the group. Naturally, I am someone who don't belong to a group. I enjoyed friendship with a group of people but tend to be closer to specific ones, rather than to the group. If I am to give a farewell speech, there is only a few people to thank. Nevertheless, I thank Lord Daddy for these people they have placed in my life. Despite not getting closer to them, they are still angels in my life. So Thank you. Although I don't think I'll be giving my farewell speech to the CG, I won't forget all the blessings you all have given me. So hereby, I want to thank:
Cui Jing, the ever loving lady who is ready to go that extra miles for her sheeps. Thank you for the advices and encouragement you gave throughout my schooling life. Thank you for accepting me, the naughty sheep. Thank God for placing you in my life.

Sarah, the lady who is so full of wisdom and grace. Thank you for the being who you are; always encouraging and helping those around you. Thank you.

Merrini, thank you for that extra effort you made to make me feel welcome. Thank you for being so loving and caring.

jia hao & Jotham, two of you always come together, like twins. Thank you for bringing joy and laughter every time I talk to both of you. Thank you for being a blessing when you both are sharing your life or simply praising God for His goodness.

Jia wei, thank you for being the big brother who reminded me that " grace is slow but sure". Thank you for Godly advices you've offered.

Eng Cheong, thank you for being another big brother. Thank you for being so funny and open towards the group.

Finally, Mark. Thank you for bringing me to the group. Although I'm not close to the group, you never fail to encourage me and relentlessly getting me to be more involved. I am such a lazy bum. LoL. nevertheless, thank you for being a brother that is irritating as well as comforting at times. You will always be my brother. Nothing less and probably more than a brother.

Well, these are the people I wanna thank. There are still angela, yingqi, louis, jeremy, huiwen, celeste, selina, gaowen. I am not close to them. Don't know what to say to them and hence the farewell speech here in my blog.

2007-10-05T19:48:00.001+08:00

Undecided. Or rather don't want to make the decision. Basically, I am being offered to go over to another team. Both teams are great. Driven and skillful people. If I ever decided to go over to the other team, it will be for that extra connection or easiness I have with that team leader.
How I arrived at this choosing place? The office has this policy of "adopt for a week". Member of a team will go over to the other team and learned from the team leader for a week. Delightfully, I took up the chance and moved over for a week to MK's team. He taught me a lot of things on how to convince and how to sell. Probably it's because his team is rather small, both me and another "adopted colleague" received more personal attention from him. There is an easiness working with him. The team joked a lot and I can see that he cares a lot for the team. Besides being demanding and result oriented. On the 3rd day, he asked me whether want to stay in his team. Of course I don't mind. I said okay but what about my current manager? He said it's alright coz they are very good friends. Easy to settle. Well, there is still some nagginess in me when he said that.

Well what about my current manager? She is a driven and optimistic person. First week, she set a target for me to meet. Fine, it's quite reasonable despite not knowing how and where to start in meeting that 10 deals target. I still can't reach the required number of decision makers and generate enough good call backs. She asked me why am I so slow? She is a blunt and straight forward person. I was quite taken aback and felt pressured to reach the target everyday (I sat beside her). Don't be mistaken. She is a nice lady, nice manager. Someone who won't mind to go all out to help her team. I was suppose to get some letter from the company for PR application. HR lady on maternity leave so she went to settle all the admin stuff for me. Saw her running around the office, I felt grateful and pai seh. Today, I went to ICA for PR application. She helped me get the pending decision and made sure that the guy confirmed his registration by today, which he did. Praise the Lord. It was like she was doing my job. Again, super grateful towards her. But, I can't seem to see her as a friend. She is my supervisor. period. Hopefully I can relate to her as a friend too. With MK, he is a supervisor and a friend.
In conclusion, I don't know who to choose. GC faced with the same choice before. But, she chose to stay with her current team. Her choice is clear. Mine is not. Someone who will help me but can't really relate to her other than my supervisor? Someone whom I can relate to as a friend but I am not sure whether he will go all out to help me? Both I can work with. Just whether at the end of the day we will be more than just colleague or not. On my side, whoever I choose, I will definitely stay there and do my best for the team. The question is who? But then again, I am there not to make friends. Ultimately work is still the priority.

After much contemplation and discussion with GC, I decided to stay with Sri's team. If MK wants me to be in his team, he must fight for it. ~^^~
Same for "prudential guy". He must make the effort to contact me. LOL
Settled!